Final Edition of Weird OKCupid Messages|| Edición Final de Mensajes Raros de OK Cupid

Final Edition of Weird OKCupid Messages|| Edición Final de Mensajes Raros de OK Cupid

 

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(English)

Hello and happy Friday. I’ve been kinda done with the whole “weird OKCupid messages” thing for a while, but I had some saved, so I’ve decided to share them with you in a final post so that we can be done with this series and move on with our lives. Let’s get started, shall we?

Imran: “Hi…Can we be Friends?”

Like I’ve said many times before: if what you say in your message isn’t something that you’d say to a person in real life, then don’t send that message. Seriously, I’d freak out if a stranger approached me and asked me if we could be friends. I have also talked about this trend I’ve seen in messages, and I think this is just a quick way to spot vulnerable, lonely women and scam them. If you want to find friends online then go to Bumble and select the BFF feature.

Tarun: “I’m sure doing this finger exercise in not what you seek in life and would rather cherish to hold palm of someone real who respect and admire you. Loved the way you express and your glimpse you have posted. Have no intention to waste your time or mine but rather find someone to grow old with. I can ensure you won’t regret investing your time. May be we can be great friends if nothing. Would await to hear from you. Stay bless and keep smiling.”

Remember when I did the “anatomy of a great first message” post? Well, this is the anatomy of a scam. First, this is poorly translated, and I can bet that the person who sent it doesn’t even speak English. Second, it goes straight to potential insecurities or weak points, if I were a really vulnerable woman, desperate to just meet someone to grow old with. I mean, that first line alone is another version of “what’s a beautiful woman like you online dating?” Then, of course, the person goes straight to saying that what we both want is something real, something that will last forever, but that if it doesn’t happen we can still be friends. Sure, buddy, because friends lend each other money and help each other become U.S citizens. It saddens me how many people fall for messages like this every day.

Shanil: “Hi 🙂 Can we chat a bit if not longer? :>”

This person is probably a scammer, too, but they’re lazier. I mean, maybe they want to sweet-talk women, but they’ll save the initial effort. Still, this person must’ve gotten responses from someone who was lonely, or bored, or maybe someone who was still new to online dating and thought, at the sight of this killer pickup line, “well, this was easier than I’d thought.” Messages like the ones I’ve shown you today, but especially like this one are the ones that have made me stop using OKCupid altogether. If anything, I prefer an app where the messages I get are from someone I’ve previously liked, and not just some random person looking for a Green Card.

Now, I have a winner, which I’m saving for last. I want you to think of a response for this message and share it in the comments below.

Terry: “Hey, I was going to write something clever but then my cat jumped on my balls and crippled me.” 

Happy Friday!

Love, Miss Camila

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(Español)

 

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Hola y feliz viernes. Hace un rato he estado cansada de la cosa de los “mensajes raros de OK Cupid,” pero tenía unos guardados, entonces decidí compartirlos con ustedes en una publicación final para que podamos todos terminar esta serie y seguir con nuestras vidas. ¿Comenzamos?

Imran: “Hola…¿Podemos Ser Amigos?”

Como he dicho muchas veces: si lo que dices en tu mensaje no es algo que le dirías a una persona en la vida real, entonces no mandes ese mensaje. En serio, yo me asustaría si un extraño se me acercara y me preguntara si podemos ser amigos. También he hablado de esta tendencia que he visto en los mesnajes, y creo que es simplemente una forma de encontrar mujeres solas y vulnerables para cometer fraude. Si quieres encontrar amigos en línea, entonces ve a Bumble y selecciona la opción de BFF.

Tarun: “Estoy seguro que hacer este ejercicio de dedos no es lo que buscas en la vida y que en cambio quisieras agarrar palma de alguien real que respete y te admire. Amé la forma en que expresas y tu mirada que has publicado. No intenciones de gastar tu tiempo o el mío pero en vez encontrar a alguien con quien envejecer. Puedo asegurar que no vas a arrepentirte de invertir tu tiempo. Tal vez podamos ser grandes amigos si nada. Esperaría oír de ti. Sigue bendice y sigue sonriendo.” 

¿Se acuerdan de mi publicación de “la anatomía del gran primer mensaje”? Bueno, esta es la anatomía de un fraude. Primero, esto está muy mal traducido, y puedo apostar que la persona que envió esto ni siquiera habla inglés (el idioma en el que me fue enviado el mensaje originalmente). Segundo, esto va directo hacia las potenciales inseguridades o los puntos débiles; si yo fuera una mujer muy vulnerable, desesperada por simplemente conocer a alguien con quien envejecer. Quiero decir, solamente esa primera línea es otra versión de “¿qué hace una mujer hermosa como tú en una aplicación de citas?” Luego, claro, la persona va directamente a decir que lo que ambos queremos es algo real, algo que va a durar toda la vida, ero que si no pasa, podemos ser amigos. Claro, amigo, porque los amigos se prestan plata entre ellos y se ayudan para volverse ciudadanos de Estados Unidos. Me entristece cuántas personas caen todos los días con mensajes como este.

Shanil: “Hola 🙂 ¿Podemos hablar un poquito si no más? :>”

Esta persona probablemente también comete fraude, pero es más perezosa. Quiero decir, tal vez quiere decirle cosas bonitas a las mujeres, pero se ahorra el esfuerzo inicial. Igual, esta persona seguramente obtuvo respuestas de alguien que estaba solo, o aburrido, o tal vez de alguien nuevo a las aplicaciones de citas y que pensó, al ver este arrasador primer mensaje, “bueno, esto fue más fácil de lo que pensé.” Mensajes como este son los que me han hecho dejar de usar OKCupid completamente. Si algo, prefiero una aplicación en la que los mensajes que recibo son de alguien que me gustó, y no simplemente una persona cualquiera que busca una Green Card.

Ahora, tengo un ganador, que estoy guardando para el final. Quiero que piensen una respuesta para este mensaje y la compartan en los comentarios.

Terry: “Oye, iba a escribir algo inteligente pero luego mi gato me saltó en las bolas y me dejó inválido.” 

¡Feliz viernes!

Con amor, Miss Camila

Replying to Every OKC Message I Get

Replying to Every OKC Message I Get

Lovely Wholesale

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Hello and happy Saturday. I promised and I’m delivering. After I finished the last Weird Messages post (which is not going to be the last in existence, just the last I’ve put together), I decided it’d be fun to go ahead and reply to all the messages I got from strangers on OK Cupid. I thought “maybe sometimes I’m being too superficial. What if one of these guys I usually ignore is actually Prince Charming?” Well, I wasn’t too convinced about that second part, but I still thought if anything it would be a fun little experiment, and you know I’m all for that.

I know for a fact that there are people who reply to every message they get because they feel it’s the right thing to do or whatever. I don’t, especially not when I know the message is copy-paste, which means it’s basically a line somebody sends to all their possible matches in the hopes that someone will fall for it. For this “experiment,” I had to leave that aside and take every message as if it had been written specifically for me, they way I think first messages should always be.

Here’s a huge spoiler for you: no, I didn’t “meet” Prince Charming, or I don’t think I’ve met him yet. I did make a discovery, or rather confirmed a theory I’d had for a while. You see, a while ago I said that maybe some of the people who send this long messages that make little sense don’t actually expect or anticipate an answer, so when they get one, they literally don’t know what to say.

Over and over, I’d reply to messages that went from “hi,” to the standard scam: “hello, my name is _________ from ___________ and I want us to be friends,” and I think in 95% of the cases I didn’t get a response, or I got one and then the conversation just died. Now, I think I’m good at keeping a conversation going, but if I’m getting nothing from the other end, I’m not even going to try.

I stopped replying to every message, of course, because I really saw no point in it, and now I’m back to being super picky. I honestly feel that, like with everything in life, a little guidance in the online dating work can get people what they want (or whom they want), and I know I’m not an expert, but if you think you need any help, then check my posts (search for the “online dating”  and “ok cupid” tags) and send me a message via the contact form .

In the comments below, tell me the kind of person you are when online dating: do you reply to every message just to be nice? Or are you selective like me?

Happy Saturday!

Love, Miss Camila

Weird Stuff I’ve Been Told on OkCupid Part 3.2

Weird Stuff I’ve Been Told on OkCupid Part 3.2

 

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Hello and happy Saturday. Today I have some more messages a few OkCupid users sent me. We’re actually only going to do three messages today, but I’m sure you’ll find them very entertaining. Let’s get started, shall we?

 

Ne’er: “I have been seeing from last few days. My friends make my fun about seeing you on online dating app. I say to them that I am into dilemma. Lol your eyes really make me cold feet. I want to talk to you but then again I feel that girl like you who received lot of messages from handsome guys, don’t want to talk to me. Really your picture make me happy and as well as nervous. My good friend is told me that just message you and tell you about everything. He said that if she like honesty and we are having long distance and which can doubt that serious things. But it would be great if we can be good friends.”

There is enough in this message to write an entire post on how NOT to write a first text, but I’ll try to be super concrete and brief. First of all, there’s the issue of his English. You know I sort of insisted on this during the first Weird Messages post: I get that English is not your first language, it isn’t mine either, we’re bound to make mistakes, but make sure to proofread your texts, and make sure they’re coherent and the person reading them will know what you mean. More often than not, I’ll swipe left on profiles with bad grammar because they seem like bots rather than an actual person.

The content of the message itself is just a big mess. This guy is neither here nor there, saying one thing and then totally contradicting himself in the next line. An example of this is the whole “my friends are making fun of me” but then he says his friend encouraged him to write the message. Which is it, dude? Apart from that, the whole fetching for pity thing and turning it to the girl, like guilt-tripping the girl because “sure if you’re a nice girl, you’ll reply to this text” is just a tacky strategy to have girls talk to you.

Now, I did all this dissection, and then for personal reasons, which I’ll explain some other time, I decided to delete my OkCupid account. I created a new one literally the day after that, so don’t worry children, mom’s back. Anyway, like the day after I created the new account this guy sends me this exact same message. And boy was I upset. Now, I usually just swipe left on copy-paste messages, right? But whenever I get two copy-paste messages from the same guy, and it’s happened like twice, I will say something because it’s enraging that I’m here wasting my time and effort in finding someone decent and a clever message to type, and then this guy just clicks “paste” and sends the same dumb sh*t to everyone. So I replied the following:

Dude, you literally sent me this exact message last week. Stop copy-pasting stuff and try to come up with your own original message for once. Maybe that way you can have a chance to actually meet a nice girl. 

I waited for the guy to read the message and then I blocked him.

smile: “You dont look 24 at all :)”

I don’t know why guys use stuff like age and body type as a compliment. I don’t mean this in a “women get upset when men talk about their age or body type” kinda way, but in a more “what are men trying to get at with this comments?” way. Like, I don’t know if this guy (who didn’t even display his first name) means that I look older or younger. I’ve been told both and I seriously couldn’t give any less sh*ts. I’m 24, even if you tell me I don’t look my age, and I don’t know how that can turn into a topic of conversation with a complete stranger. I always wonder what the reasoning behind these messages is.

Sean: “Hi how are you? Youre really cool i wanna talk to you? By the way are you in colombia temperary also? I have family here im on vacation. Also i love tattoos also. I love tattooed women :p”

Remember in The Office when Holly thought Kevin had cognitive disabilities? I kinda felt that way rereading this message and typing it for you guys. Like, what if this guy has some sort of condition and that’s why his message was all over? I feel cruel for even thinking that, but just look at the way it’s written. Then there’s the “I love tattooed women” part, which is a bit suggestive so I’m basically clueless as to how to take this message.

This concludes part 3 of the Weird Stuff I’ve Been Told on OkCupid series. I’m going to change things up and reply to every message I get sent, and of course document the experience and share it with you. In the comments, tell me what you think about copy-paste messages.

Happy Saturday!

Love, Miss Camila

Weird Stuff I’ve Been Told On OkCupid pt. 3.1

Weird Stuff I’ve Been Told On OkCupid pt. 3.1

Announcement.pngHello and happy Saturday. After five years in the online dating world, a girl has to wonder “what the hell did I do to get such weird (and sometimes creepy) messages?” Seriously, I’ve changed my profile a few times over the years, I update my pictures frequently and I always make sure that what is in my profile doesn’t lead to people misunderstanding my intentions. And yet, here I come with a fresh batch of stuff that made me cringe and laugh and also question whether I’ll be single the rest of my life. I don’t remember if in previous posts I quoted the author of the message, but from now on I’ll do that. Don’t worry, if you did send me one of the messages, only your first name will be displayed, so you’ll be a little embarrassed but not publicly humiliated. Let’s get started, shall we?

Pratyush: “Not the best idea to start a conversation but instead of small talk (which I am weirdly terrible at) can we please pretend I used some really cool line and skip the boring part and talk about something more fin? Like how I am going to pay the bank my education loans? Or if you can make me feel better by telling me that you have them too? Also- what are your thoughts about pineapple?”

Oh wow, dear Pratyush. Your message was definitely something. My initial thought when rereading and typing this message was “this guy got that first line from a dating coach or something of the sort.” I mean, theoretically, I would see the whole “let’s skip the small talk and cut to the point” line work, although maybe it’s something that works better in person if you’re in like a bar or a party. So, okay, the intention was there, and it might have worked. What failed and turned this line into a mess? I think our dear friend here tried to improvise at the end, talking about student loans and pineapple. It was random, it was awfully personal in my opinion, and it was kind of desperate. Also, I’m pretty sure it’s copy-paste and you know how I hate those. Boy, bye.

Maamoun: “I got half a mind to take you to a very glamorous restaurant where the lights are low and the music is so soft. And  got half a mind to hear you breathe in ecstasy against my neck…”

Sweetie, I read mommy porn, I know you didn’t come up with that text yourself and I know you send it around to basically every girl out there and wait to see who actually falls for that cheesy line. Again, it sounds like a line from a dating coach. I mean, the title of the post is probably something like “How to Awaken Your Girl’s Sex Drive With One Line.” I hate sexual comments from strangers, and this kind of messages are the reason why I block so many people everyday on OkCupid.

Rahul: “Hi…can we become friends :)” 

No, honey, we can’t. That’s not the way you make friends. That’s the way you find girls in need of affection. Now, I don’t know this particular guy’s motives, but judging by the latest developments on 90 Day Fiancé Happily Ever After, I’m now more suspicious about this type of messages, targeted to sad and lonely girls to fall in love with handsome and exotic strangers. You know who I’m talking about, right Azan?

Ted: “What do you think about guys who don’t wear underwear?”

Let me set the context for this message: I was actually talking to another guy at the time and I’d send him some of the weird messages I got for him to read. I sent him this one, and then I sort of felt challenged to reply, so I did. The truth is, I won’t think any more or less of a guy who doesn’t wear underwear. It’s your decision and your comfort. I think it’s weird that’s the first message he decides to send, like he really does care about what people think of his decision of going commando. Now an update because I know you’re curious: I’m not talking to either guy anymore.

M…:”Hi my eyes are stuck on your beautiful face and not going any where, any suggestions what to do now? Hope to hear from you soon”

I’m pretty sure this guy had a full name, but I couldn’t catch it. Anyway, it seems like the dating coach was giving out free copy-paste messages because this one is clearly one. This honestly makes me cringe, and I’m sure there’s a type of woman this kinda thing works with, it just doesn’t with me. I know too much about online dating to fall for that one. Also, I personally don’t like people straight up talking about my looks, you know? I’d rather you went ahead and tried to actually have a conversation, not throw that cheesy line at me and wait for my reaction.

mostafa: “hi my name is mostafa from Egypt i’m looking for a beautiful woman like u, and i want to spend my life with the right woman can we get to know each other.”

Now this is probably Azan’s first message to Nicole. It is clearly a scam, and I obviously didn’t fall for it, but I also understand why some women do. I mean, we all have different reasons why we go into online dating, and many people just feel lonely and desperate and in need of a connection they consider real. Many people want to find that someone to spend the rest of their lives with, and then here comes this guy who’s saying all the right things, all the things some people want to hear. I said it’s a scam earlier because in my mind arrangements that are based solely on convenience are, but to each their own.

Skybil: “I’m Bilal from Algeria we can be friends or maybe more how’s know if you Went Camela of course…I really like you.”

I want you to look at this and the previous messages and look at the similarities when it comes to structure. First they introduce themselves, then for some reason they say where they’re from, and after that they go straight to whichever proposition they have, which in both cases includes something “more” than being friends. Now I know this message got confusing in the middle, and I think what he meant to say was it I wanted to (my name is Camila, we all know that), but again it’s clearly a copy-paste that gets sent to see which vulnerable woman will actually respond.

Ka: “I love your body type”

How to get me upset? Give me unsolicited opinions about my body. Honestly, even if it’s to say you like it, don’t. I have full-body pictures in my profile, I have pictures wearing a bikini, I’m showing you exactly how I look like so that we’re both sure that if you swiped right it’s because you liked my body type, among other aspects of myself. I’ve talked about my body type in this blog, and I’ve told you I fall in this in between where I’m not really plus size, but I’m “big” for straight sizes. I have big legs and a booty and I have rolls, and I know how to rock them. So please don’t think you’re doing me a favor by saying you like my body type because there are men who genuinely do without having to wave a flag and announce it to the world. You and your kinks can go somewhere else, thank you.

This is getting super long, so let me just stop right there, and continue with part 3.2 next week, and I promise there is good stuff coming. In the comments below tell me if someone has ever tried to scam you online or in real life.

Happy Saturday!

Love, Miss Camila

Creating My Profile from Scratch

Creating My Profile from Scratch

Announcement.pngHello and happy Saturday. The longest month of my life is finally over, and I’m glad to tell you that I am back on OK Cupid, with a whole new profile I created following Mark Rosenfeld’s advice. In case you’re wondering, no, he’s not the only coach I follow. I recently started watching Matthew Hussey’s videos and reading his blog posts. I also got his book a while ago for reviewing purposes via Netgalley. In today’s post I’ll let you know what I took into account when filling out my profile, and I link you to sources you might find interesting. Let’s get started, shall we?

First and foremost, keep in mind that, in a way, I had a full month of preparation when it came to this profile. Many people impulsively make the decision of going into online dating. They think “f*ck it, I’ll just go on this or that app” and create a profile. I’ve done that, remember that I first went on OK Cupid five years ago. This time, though, I decided that in order to be smart about the whole online dating thing, I had to have a plan.

Ultimately, my plan had two parts. The first one was thinking about my profile in abstract, so I gathered general ideas of what an attractive profile should and shouldn’t include. I used many ideas from Mark’s blog post How to Be Down to Earth (And Why It’s So Attractive)  because I’m definitely trying to be more down to earth, and come across as one.

See, I’m concerned with the superficial because I’m a professional makeup artist and I’m obsessed with all things beauty, but that’s something that can probably come up in conversation on a date, and not a piece of vital information I *have* to include in my profile, right? Here comes the second aspect Mark relates to being down to earth, and it’s not bragging. I’m not a modest person, and I know I should be more humble, so part of it is finding ways to include in my the achievements I’m proudest of without sounding arrogant.

No online dating profile is perfect and I think we all could benefit from advice, but obviously that doesn’t mean you have the same concerns as I do or make the same mistakes I’ve made. You may be super down to earth and think I’m over the top for being superficial and for bragging. That’s totally okay; I’m trying to grow, and probably you are, too, in other aspects, which is why I’m linking the posts and videos I used so that you can check them out.

Now, I didn’t just sit in front of the computer and filled out my profile. I actually wrote “drafts” of answers to questions I remembered, and I would revise them, until I was satisfied with the result, and had all answers ready for the day when I created the profile. That worked for me because I was able to reflect upon what I really wanted to say, and not just type the first thing that came to my mind.

When reading Five Dating Profiles That Push Men Away,  I realized that I’d made two huge mistakes in the past, and that this time I had to avoid them completely:

1) I was negative, so I would write stuff like “do NOT text unless you want to have a real conversation” or things of the sort.

2) I was sort of projecting my frustrations with past online dating experiences. I remember after my first OK Cupid fail, in my new profile I wrote something like “text me if you’re willing to meet. This last guy would tell me that he loved me without even meeting me in person.”

I have seen those two in guys’ profiles, and it’s a total turnoff. I mean, what’s worse than the “not here to play games” or “tired of crazy bitches” lines? My current philosophy when it comes to online dating is: if I don’t like seeing something in a potential match’s profile, then why would I include it in mine?

Now, let’s talk about what makes a profile attractive. I took ideas from What Should I Write in My Online Dating Profile . The best piece of advice I got from that video was simply: be grateful. It is exactly the opposite of being restrictive or demanding, so instead of saying “you should only talk to me if you have tattoos,” I wrote “you’ll get bonus points if you’re inked.” I think this is a way of showing once preferences without coming of as bitchy.

On Tinder Dating Tips: How to Write Your Tinder Bio, Mark focuses on keeping the profile short and sweet. Yes, this is Tinder and I opened an OK Cupid account, but still, I said it once before: I don’t like to read long-ass profiles, so I’m not going to write a long-ass profile. I kept my answers to very short paragraphs, and I mean, two-sentence paragraphs at the most.

I also wanted to be smart when it came to my pictures, so I read 9 Secrets to an Attention Grabbing Profile Picture, and I watched Tinder Tips For Women: How to Choose Your Photos. From these two, I got an idea of which pictures to upload and why. For example, I added some pictures of me wearing little makeup or none at all. I also included pictures that weren’t selfies, and captioned all of them.

I realized that my whole mindset had to change, and not just my profile. Yesterday a guy actually asked me whether I was looking for friends with benefits, and my reply was “I’m looking. I don’t really know what I’m looking for.” That was my way of telling him that I’m open to meeting people and seeing what happens, as opposed to being set of looking for my husband. Mark refers to this in 6 Tinder Tips for Women, when he talks about not taking Tinder too seriously, and I think that’s my current mindset: not taking OK Cupid and online dating in general, too seriously.

Along that same line I had to embrace the fact that I’ll probably be spending months swiping left and right, and that yes, I have to swipe right more. I learned this from How To Get Matches On Tinder, The #1 Reason Online Dating Has Failed You, and 3 Attitudes You NEED To Date Successfully Online.

In the comments below tell me what you think makes a profile attractive.

Happy Saturday!

Love, Miss Camila

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get My Attention on OK Cupid: Moving to Other Platforms

Get My Attention on OK Cupid: Moving to Other Platforms

Announcement (2).pngHello and happy Saturday. I’m really excited to bring you the last post of the “Get My Attention on OK Cupid” series because I think today’s topic is a make-it-or-break-it when it comes to progressing in online interactions. Even though my experiences with J and MHD failed because I’m currently not talking to either, they were successful in the way that they both progressed past OK Cupid. Basically, today I’m talking about how important it is for me to move to other platforms when the moment is right.

When I’m checking out a guy’s profile, which is my second filter after liking his pictures, I make sure he doesn’t have any social media/ contact information displayed in it. Why? Wouldn’t it just be easier to contact them directly via Snapchat or Whatsapp? Of course it would be easier, but that doesn’t mean it’d be better. I used to make the mistake of posting my Instagram and Snapchat handles in my profile, and in some occasions I did get directly contacted by some guys. The messages were actually very polite and no unsolicited dick pics were involved (thank goodness). Still, I’m not letting that information be public; if I consider someone deserving of it, then I’ll give it personally.

Displaying your social media information like that is in a way setting a trap and seeing who catches. You’re not making any effort, the people who see your profile are, and if that’s the case, then I don’t want to have any interaction with you. To me, it comes to this: if you share your Instagram, you only want to be seen (and you care way too much about your follower count even if you won’t admit it); if you share your Whatsapp, you just want to talk to literally anyone, and you don’t really care about making a connection; and finally, if you share your Snapchat, then you clearly just want to send dick pics to whomever is watching (and hoping they’ll return the favor).

If what you’re really after is finding people with whom you can make a particular connection, keep that information to yourself at first. In both of my noteworthy online dating experiences, I’ve been the one to tell the guy “hey, let’s move on to another platform.” With J, he actually had to download Whatsapp and I’m pretty sure I was his only contact, while with MHD I told him to follow me on Instagram and we used the messaging feature for a while, and then we moved on to Snapchat.

I think everybody’s “right time” can be different, especially given the conditions you’re in. If you’re meeting people in your area, it makes sense to move on to other platforms that same day because chances are you want to meet soon. In both of my cases, I had more time to decide whether I was interested in continuing the conversation elsewhere or not, so I took a week. Now, it’s not like I counted the days or anything, but that’s how long I’d been talking with each guy when I proposed the use of another app.

As I told you, both guys agreed immediately. MHD followed me on IG and texted me right away, even though for some reason I didn’t see his message until the following day. I don’t have a problem being the one who suggests using apps that I think are more personal than OK Cupid, but I’m not going to beg a guy to do so. I can make the suggestion, but I obviously expect a positive reply. If you’d prefer not to exchange numbers, use other apps that don’t require a phone number, but don’t give me the “I have no Facebook/ Instagram” excuse. This doesn’t guarantee that a guy is not a catfish, but I believe if he’s able to give you a solution like “I don’t have IG but we can talk via Facebook/ Snapchat,” then you can give him the chance. My brother doesn’t have an Instagram account, but he does have Snapchat and Facebook (and he’s clearly a real person), so I know the case is rare, but it happens.

Now, I think the magic of moving on to other platforms is making things more real. You’re just not two profiles, but you’re showing each other who you are outside of an online dating app, and that’s great. By being on Instagram, you’re able to see things in a person that they might not even know they’re showing: they love their pets, they spend a lot of time with family/ friends. Hell, you can even know that they still value a former relationship because there are posts of them and their ex they haven’t deleted. And it can also tell you things about yourself by looking at their profile: “look, he’s got a tattoo. That’s pretty hot,” or “oh, wait, are those his parents? What a sweet picture!”

I couldn’t have held the conversations I did with J or MHD had we stuck to OK Cupid, but I don’t think I would’ve trusted them as much had they suggested to switch to something else too soon. What do you think about this? What is your “right time” when it comes to giving someone you met online your number or social media handles? Let me know in the comments!

Happy Saturday!

Love, Miss Camila

Get My Attention on OK Cupid: First Message

Get My Attention on OK Cupid: First Message

Announcement (1).pngHello and happy Saturday. When it comes to online dating, I’m not against texting first, but for some reason in my most successful experiences the guy was the one who sent the first message. I personally like that initial display of interest and attraction, and it makes me feel more at ease than if I were to text first and was just sort of expecting a reply. That is my personal case, and in no way I mean to say that guys “should” always text first.

Now, if you’ve been around for a while, you know that many guys in the past have tried to make a memorable first impression my sending me the craziest messages. Oddly enough, I didn’t swipe right on none of these guys. The problem, I think, with these weird messages, is that, though they’re well-intended, they don’t lead to a real conversation. If you send me a paragraph commenting on every little thing I wrote on my profile, am I expected to reply with another paragraph?

On the other hand, there are guys who just text “hey” or “hi,” which leaves me nothing to work with. You say hi, then I say hi back, and that’s pretty much it, no? I’ve sent “hi” or “happy Saturday” texts before, but once I’ve had other conversations with the person. I even send these texts as a way to let someone know I’m thinking about them, but I don’t really intend to have a full-on conversation with them.

There are texts that are not paragraph-long, but are not just one-syllable either. They seem to have potential, and so I’m eager to reply to them. And then the potential conversation just dies. I once spent three days talking to a guy, until I got tired and deleted the conversation. We exchanged about ten texts in those three days because every time I said something, he’d reply with a conversation ender. What are conversation enders, you ask? “Oh, okay,” “LOL,” “cool,” and expressions of the sort. There’s no reply to that, and when I don’t know a person and they text me this, I just automatically lose interest.

Let me get something very clear: I’m not saying that you should stop talking to EVERY guy who replies with one of these. If you’re having a fun conversation and somebody throws you a “cool,” maybe that means it’s time to change the subject; maybe that other person wants to keep talking to you, but they don’t know what else to say. I once was talking to this guy, and he threw me a conversation ender. I assumed the conversation was over, so I didn’t text anything back. After an hour, he texted me and we kept talking for a while. By the way, I did know this guy IRL, and actually I was the one who texted first.

Basically, in order to get my attention with the first message you send, make it something that can get a conversation started, and that has me interested. I’ve already told you how I don’t remember MHD’s first text, but what I do remember is the fact that we talked throughout that day and then the days after. Of course, it was both of us who kept the conversation going, but I was interested in keeping that conversation because we’d built a nice foundation for it.

The last post of the “Get My Attention on OK Cupid” series is all about making the transition to other platforms. How long does it take you to give a potential online match your number or social media info? Let me know in the comments below!

Happy Saturday!

Love, Miss Camila

Get My Attention on OK Cupid: Profile

Get My Attention on OK Cupid: Profile

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Hello and happy Saturday. I’m still giving myself a few more days to reopen my OK Cupid account, and I’ve gathered great advice I want to share with you in a future post, but today I kinda want to do the opposite, and instead of reading or listening what I should and shouldn’t include in my profile to make it attractive, I’m going to tell you what really catches my eye, and also what makes me swipe left immediately. This is going to be a three-part series I’m calling “Get My Attention on OK Cupid,” which I hope you deeply enjoy. Let’s get started, shall we?

Profiles have two parts: pictures, and information. OK Cupid (and pretty much every online dating site I know) works in a way in which the first thing you know about a person is how they look. Basically, the profile pictures are my first and biggest filter. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve swiped left when I meant to swipe right and then had a potential match disappear. You see, I swipe super quickly, so if I don’t like your profile picture, I’m not even going to stop and consider your profile; I’ll just swipe left. If I see something I like, I’ll look at the other pictures, and if I’m still interested, then I’ll move on to reading the profile.

To get my attention on OK Cupid, you definitely need to have an interesting profile picture. By this I don’t mean you need to have a picture of you bungee jumping, I just mean that your first picture should make me want to look at the other ones, you know? I remember both J’s and MHD’s pictures, and they obviously caught my eye. J had this picture of him in a tux, hands in his pockets, looking at the horizon but in a very casual, “didn’t-know-someone-was-taking-a-picture” kinda way. MHD, on the other hand, had a picture of him sitting on the floor and looking at the camera. He wasn’t even smiling, but he looked kind and someone I’d want to talk to.

Now, do you need to have other pictures? Yes, you totally do. I remember when I was trying Seeking Arrangement, I came across this profile I liked. This guy had just one picture but I thought “f-it, he’s a hot, young sugar daddy,” and I messaged him. After talking for a couple of days, he gave me his number and told me to talk via Whatsapp. I added him, and then I saw that in his picture he didn’t look quite the way he had in his SA profile. It was the same guy, but in the Whatsapp picture he looked older, and way less attractive.

The fact that I want to see consistency in the way a guy looks throughout his pictures is one reason why I need more than one, but the other reason has to do with effort. Some guys will just post one picture that is two years old and expect to have women lining up after them. I like to know that my potential matches are trying to make a good first impression. OK Cupid lets you upload up to ten pictures, I think, and although I don’t think it’s necessary to fill all slots, I appreciate that a guy has at least four slots filled.

When I first saw J’s profile, he only had the picture I told you about. Still, I “liked” him, and he then messaged me. After that, he uploaded more pictures, and that’s when I realized he wasn’t as attractive as I’d originally thought. I kept talking to him because despite not being super into him physically, I liked our conversations. MHD had four pictures, and I liked the fact that he looked good in all of them, but he didn’t look exactly the same, you know? I didn’t know at the time that his pictures were two years old, but I let it slide then because 1. I was into him, and 2. he did send me updated pictures (and he looked way hotter).

Let’s suppose I see your pictures and I like what I see. I’m not going to swipe right just because of that. I mean, what if you smoke or you don’t like dogs? What if you’re a Trump supporter? I have stopped my swiping to look specifically at you, so now I’m going to take my time and read your profile.

When I’ve used OK Cupid, I’ve done so to “meet” guys who either live in a specific city or area (like I did at the beginning of the year), or just men who live anywhere in the world (like when I started talking to J). I never really look to meet guys near me, so I need to find matches with whom I can hold conversations via text, and not someone interested in meeting right away because that’s just not going to happen. If you’re not able to fill out a profile, then you probably won’t be able to hold conversations with a stranger via text messages.

I want a healthy balance in a profile, you know? I want to see that you put time and effort into what you wrote, but not that you’re desperate to find a girlfriend. I’m not going to read a long-ass profile unless it’s really caught my eye, and trust me, if I see that you wrote more than a five-sentence paragraph in the “about me” section, or whatever it’s called, I’m just going to pass on you because you’ll come off as conceited. If you have something about wanting to meet “the one,” and being tired of crazy girls who just play games, I’ll roll my eyes and then swipe left.

J was a total charmer and he had his way with words, so he did write a bit more in his profile than MHD did. J’s profile was actually funny at parts, which made me feel like, well, he wasn’t taking this whole thing all too seriously. MHD answered only some of the questions, which I don’t think is a problem (I almost never answer the one about the most private thing I’m willing to admit), and he did so in a short and sweet way. Honestly, he wrote two-sentence answers, that gave information about himself, but also left that open possibility of asking him more. That’s important guys: give us something to work with.

If your pictures and your profile have me interested, then the next step is introducing yourself. The next post in this series is going to be all about the first message. In the comments below, tell me about memorable texts you’ve been sent.

Happy Saturday!

Love, Miss Camila

My Second OK Cupid Experience (2/2)

My Second OK Cupid Experience (2/2)

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Hello and happy Saturday. Let’s just continue with part two of my most recent fail story when it comes to online dating.

It was the day before I had to come back to Bogota. Daylight savings had happened the previous day and I still felt like an hour of my life had been stolen. I woke up, listened to my teacher bff’s voice note, replied, and then went back to sleep. I was woken up a second time by a text. I would’ve ignored it, except the yellow Snapchat icon meant that text could belong to only one person. Yes, MHD was texting me in the morning of my last day in Baltimore.

He wanted sex. He wanted it so badly, at first he told me he would go all the way to the apartment where I was staying just to sleep with me. I told him I’d meet him for breakfast, to what he replied he’d buy me breakfast if we had sex first. We talked from 8:30am to 11:30am, and as time progressed and our conversation didn’t, he told me he couldn’t drive all the way to where I was, but maybe I could go to where he was. You see, he works (worked, I have no idea) from 1pm to midnight, so there was no way he could go to Baltimore, have sex, and then go back to where he worked on time. We then decided that meeting that morning wasn’t going to happen, so maybe he could just come over to my apartment after work.

I know it was a booty call, okay? But that was going to be my only chance at seeing my man in person, and I was going to take it. That day I got to my apartment early-ish, took a nice shower, redid my makeup, put on fancy lingerie, and sat down in bed to watch Teachers until MHD got out of work. When he did, he texted “just got out of work,” and then, nothing. I replied letting him know where I was staying, but he didn’t even see the text. I thought he might be driving or something, but then an hour went by and I had no information of him. I knew he wasn’t driving to where I was because he didn’t know where I was, so I just figured he went back to his place. After an hour I texted him I’d just go to sleep.

I had to be at the airport at noon, so I had a few hours in the morning, and I thought, if he woke up earlier like he’d done the day before, then maybe we could meet. Dumb as I am, I even thought he could take me to the airport. Well, I texted him super early and started getting ready. He did reply, you know when? As I was walking to the gate where I had to wait for the plane that would take me back to Colombia.

Then, a weird thing happened. We started talking a lot again, mostly about sex, I’m not going to lie. When I told him I was at the airport and he sent me a sad face emoji, I asked him “next time?” to which he replied “yeah. Next time.” I was still hopeful, after the 8263 opportunities I’d given him and us, I still thought, “well, we’re still talking, aren’t we? March wasn’t our time to meet, but May for sure will be.”

It all went to hell the last two weeks of March. You see, in Snapchat we had the golden heart emoji, which means we were each other’s best friends. One morning I texted him, and he opened the message but didn’t reply. That’s not the worst part, though. The worst part was that our golden heart, which we’d kept for almost a full week, had been replaced with the smiley face emoji. That’s the emoji that tells you “yeah, he might be the only one you’re texting, but you sure aren’t his only one, honey.”

Telling you that I went into crazy overthinking mode is a total understatement. Here’s where all my jealousy and insecurities kicked in. I saw the open message, the other emoji and his Snapchat score, which was significantly higher, and I immediately thought “he’s talking to another girl.” I mean, I was this girl he’d been talking to for two months without meeting, and I’d recently told him we wouldn’t be able to meet for at least another three months. Meanwhile, there are these other girls he can see literally whenever he wants to because they live close to him, and they will satisfy the urge for sex that is apparently his top priority in life.

I was smarter this time than I’d been in February when he disappeared on me, and that’s because I took advice from Mark Rosenfeld as opposed to my friends. I’m going to write a whole post about dating advice, so be sure to check it out, but basically what I did was give him time. I gave him two full days in which I didn’t text him. I was giving him time to text me, but that didn’t happen, so on day three I sent him a cute selfie with a “happy Saturday.” And he replied!

The thing is, I was still feeling like he was talking to another girl, or maybe even other girls, and he was keeping me in the back burner, you know, just in case. We talked a bit more that day, and then he disappeared again, and again I gave him two days. I texted him (yes, I know, I was desperate, and I think deep down I just wanted to make sure I hadn’t wasted almost three months talking to this guy and then nothing), he replied, and you know the rest.

I gave him his two golden days, and I thought, “okay, we’ve been through this before where he just disappears and I keep texting him, and then he reappears, I’ll have to do that.” Was that a good choice? Of course not. By then I should’ve just moved on, but I kept thinking about him and the fact that we indeed had a future together. I didn’t move on, and I know now that if I had, this story would’ve had a different ending.

For about four days, I sent him a good morning text or a selfie (some more provocative than others, but still keeping my clothes on). Then, I don’t know why but on day five I just couldn’t take it anymore. He hadn’t even looked at my text via Snapchat, so I went to OK Cupid. Now, when he disappeared on me in February, I also sent him messages on this app, and he read them but didn’t reply to them. I had to reenable my account because I’d disabled it when we started talking again and we had the Snapchat golden heart, and to my surprise I found MHD was online.

I’m not proud of this, and it’s going to take me a while to tell anybody (other than you) about this, but I just started bombarding him with messages. I was like Danielle on 90-Day Fiancé. Because MHD was online, he read my messages immediately but wouldn’t reply to them. So I kept insisting. This is going to sound completely insane, but it was kind of fun, to just text him all of this and to know he was reading it. Then I went to refresh the website to discover he’d blocked me.

Our two months of talking ended up with him blocking me. I think he also deleted me on Snapchat. I blocked him on Instagram so that he’d stop following me (although I did unblock him later), and to this day we haven’t had any contact. Now, despite all the red flags he raised, I obviously have to take the blame on the way things ended. Yes, he wasn’t going to confront me and tell me he didn’t want anything to do with me anymore, but I just acted plain crazy.

The reason why I ultimately didn’t block MHD on Instagram will probably become obvious to you in a future post, but I did take steps to avoid having the temptation to talk to him. I deleted the Snapchat app from my phone because I was only using it to text him. I also made a few changes to my OK Cupid profile and started talking to some guys, but then decided to delete that account altogether. I will open a new one, but I’m giving myself a full month to process what has happened, to think of ways in which I can be smarter when it comes dating, even if it’s just online for now, and to basically change my whole mindset.

I think MHD and I weren’t compatible because we were looking for different things. He is at a stage in his life when all he wants is sex, and I was looking for a boyfriend, maybe something else. And I think we both tried to see what we wanted in the other person because there was a point when we did like each other. I do hope MHD is getting what he wants. Talking to him made me explore my sexuality way more, and that’s something I’m grateful for. In trying to be sexy for him, I discovered I liked being sexy for myself too, and now I enjoy buying and wearing lingerie.

Moving on with my life and focusing on myself gets easier as days go by. Even though I still considered myself to be single while talking to MHD, I missed feeling single. I missed not worrying whether someone is texting me or not, like receiving a message would be a sign of validation. I missed not feeling like I needed that validation. And so, in giving myself that time, I want to go into dating still feeling the way I do now about myself and my life, and I need to be smart about it. I would give things with MHD another chance, but the terms and conditions definitely have to change, on both our parts, and it wouldn’t be a matter of him taking me back, but rather us starting over.

Have you had a bad breakup or a situation like mine, in which you felt like you needed that abrupt end to stop and reevaluate aspects of your life? Let me know in the comments below!

Happy Saturday!

Love, Miss Camila

My Second OK Cupid Experience (1/2)

My Second OK Cupid Experience (1/2)

Announcement.pngHello and happy Saturday. If you read the original post on my  OK Cupid Experience , then you probably know by now that what’s coming is another fail story. I’m going to be more detailed with you on this one, which is why this story will be divided into two. It’s certainly not fun for me to go through this again, but I feel that I’ve learned stuff that’s worth sharing with all of you. Let’s get started, shall we?

Let’s go back to the beginning of 2018. Literally, it was the first week of the year and I was home after spending New Years with my dad and his family in a house away from Bogota. I’d been on OK Cupid looking for guys to talk to before my trip to Baltimore in June, but so far I’d been unsuccessful. That first day back home, while I was getting ready or putting away the clothes I’d taken to the trip, or whatever else you do on your last week of vacation, I was also checking out guys using the “Double Take” feature, which is basically just like Tinder.

I had the paid version of the app, which means I could see the guys that had liked me without having to like them back. As I was swiping, I came across this guy’s profile. I liked him immediately, both in the app and in real life. He just had the kindest looking eyes, and a mouth that is to die for, and what was even better, he’d also swiped right on my profile and messaged me a few moments after we matched.

We had one of those conversations many people dream of, you know? For a week there, we just talked about everything, from the things we were doing at the moment to stuff about ourselves, and of course my plans of moving to Baltimore. After that first week, I told him to follow me on Instagram, and that we could chat there. I thought IG was a good alternative to OK Cupid without having to give him my number just yet.

We tried talking via IG for about three days, but it was a big fail. He texted me first, and I didn’t see his message until a day later, and then it took him another full day to reply, so I told him to go back to OK Cupid because it was working better for us. A week or so went by, using OK Cupid again. He was following me on Instagram, and I’d requested to follow him, but he hadn’t accepted my request, so I told him to let me follow him, and he did immediately, saying he’d thought he’d already done that.

His IG profile would’ve raised a few red flags to virtually any other thinking person, but of course I decided to ignore them. Why am I saying that? Well, for one, I noticed that his OK Cupid pictures were taken from his profile, but that they were taken two years ago. The second red flag was the amount of pictures he had with his ex. The issue with the pictures of his ex was kinda awkward to notice, but when I told him about it, he said that if he found a person with whom he felt a real connection, he’d delete them. That clearly made me want to become that person.

I also addressed the issue with his pictures not being recent by actually sending him a text that went something like “I want to see a recent picture of you, preferably shirtless.” He asked me whether I had Snapchat, I told him I did (which is true, I had an account, but I hadn’t used it in years because I’m 24, not 17, so I had to download the app), and that very day we started using that app.

Now, on that first day of using Snapchat, it was all great. He told me he’d send me a “shower selfie” and I replied “no dick pics,” which he respected, and I thought “wow, this guy asked me before sending a dick pic, and then didn’t when I said no, what a catch.” (I did ask for one the following day because I was super curious, and let me tell you, I wasn’t disappointed.)

We kept our regular texting dynamic, only now via Snapchat, which did include pictures, but very decent ones, I promise. We even had those conversations I love that last for hours, until I could barely keep my eyes open and had to tell him, “dude, I’m going to sleep, talk to you tomorrow.” In one of those conversations, he told he his birthday was in early February, which meant that if everything went right, we’d still be talking by then. I decided to get a special something for him, that we could both enjoy once we met in person. Yes, I got those two piercings between my boobs for him.

I sent him a picture of my piercings (with a very nice bra on), and a message that said “Happy birthday, MHD,” which is how we’ll refer to him from now on, okay? His response was “Lol. Very sexy. Thanks.” I wanted to take a plane, go to where he was, and slap him. Honestly, I’d thought about this super sexy and suggestive gift that we could both enjoy (if you know what I mean), and his reply was the stupidest thing ever. He couldn’t even articulate a sentence. Again, that would’ve been a red flag for anybody with self-respect, right? Well, not for me.

Around that week, things started to get weird. We’d already been talking for a month, and it was pretty clear to me that, at least his intentions were to wait for me to be in the States and see what happened between us once we met in person. He even told me on more than one occasion that he wasn’t having sex with other girls, and that if he were to, he’d tell me because he thought it was the honest thing to do. I told him I’d rather not know, and honestly, I’m not sure whether that was a smart decision or not; I mean, I was trying to play it cool, but I’m a very jealous person in reality, and you’ll see in part two of this story how the jealousy and insecurity played me over.

After MHD’s birthday, I noticed that he texted way less frequently and with the sole purpose of talking about sex whenever he did. I remember very clearly that on the Saturday following his birthday, I had to work, but still I texted him, and he went straight to sexting. By this point, he didn’t ask whether he could send me dick pics, he just did. I told him I was at work, and he kept on with with the sex stuff like I’d told him nothing. Then, I replied to him “I’m not your sex toy.” He read the message and didn’t care to reply.

When I tell you he didn’t care to reply, I mean two weeks went by, with me texting him good morning, and him just opening the message and not saying anything. You have to understand that I was really super into this guy, and I’d already dedicated a whole month to talking to him. I was also going to Baltimore a few weeks after that, and the plan was to meet him. So, I basically texted him every day. I’d only send him one message, and he would open it. I would also send him pictures (with my bra on, thanks for asking), until one day he replied.

Our conversations sort of went back to normal, in the sense that we would text back and forth somewhat consistently, but now the only thing he talked about was sex. Don’t worry, as I type, I can tell how bad it all was. Remember I’m telling you a fail story here, not an “I found the love of my life” one, if that even exists. Anyway, when I went to Baltimore, two months after his first text, we were still talking.

He was probably the first person I told I’d landed in Baltimore. Not even my parents or best friends because that’s how crazy I was (for him). His response was “Lol welcome,” and then nothing. When I say nothing, I mean I was only going to be in Baltimore for a week, and I would wake up every morning of my trip, knowing that I was one day closer to coming back home, and he hadn’t said a word to me.

That’s when I started thinking that I’d been catfished. This thought, of course, was encouraged by my best friend’s words of wisdom. And, I mean, it totally made sense, no? I’d been talking to this guy, who at first was awesome, and then with time he wasn’t that awesome, and finally when we were literally a half hour away from each other, he  disappeared. Add to my paranoia the fact that I watched an entire season of catfish while eating fries when the temperature was too low to go outside.

Halfway through my trip, when I’d moved on to watching 90-Day-Fiancé, I decided I needed to send him paragraph-long texts, and that Snapchat wasn’t going to do it for me, so I contacted him via Instagram. The messages, oddly enough, were pretty similar to what I’d sent him when he disappeared on me in Bogota. Stuff like, “don’t you want to meet me?,” “if you want nothing to do with me, then let me know,” and texts of the sort. I honestly felt defeated because I thought we’d both been waiting for that trip in March to come so that we could meet in person, and now it seemed to me like he didn’t care at all. I didn’t expect for him to pick me up at the airport and be with me every second of every day, but at least a dinner date on day two would’ve been nice. I was even counting on him spending some nights with me.

That’s how this half of the story ends. In the comments, let me know what you think is going to happen next, and whether you believe I was catfished.

Happy Saturday!

Love, Miss Camila