Hello and happy Thursday. This is awkward. This falls into the category of things I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone but you, so if you personally know me and you’re reading this, please don’t be mad at me for not telling you. This is a part of my life that is still too recent, but that I feel I have to talk about.
Last week I shared how I’d been in this self-destructive path for a while and I didn’t realize it until I stopped. I was sad, I was lonely and I needed to feel validated in the wrong way. I told you how one day I decided to stop and I deleted online dating apps as well as Snapchat, but it wasn’t something sudden that came to me and made me change my mind. I mean, it sort of was, but it wasn’t a thought that came from me. You see, the day I made the most radical changes in my lifestyle I’d gotten catfished.
I had already been losing interest on OkCupid and it was harder for me to see the point in what I’d been doing up until then. I decided to give those apps one last chance, so I reset my location on OKC to the city where I live, and because I had paid the A-list, I could see who liked me.
There was this guy’s profile I’d already seen from way before, but he just seemed too good to be true, so I kept ignoring it. Well, this time he was the one who liked me and because I was bored, I liked him back. This was a Friday afternoon and because I’m such a cool kid I was in German class. He said he was from Israel and would be in the city for a week longer. He obviously suggested me to go to his hotel, which I told him wasn’t an option.
The thing with certain people our parents warn us about online is that they have a way of getting to you. He was charming, okay? And he told me that if I couldn’t on Friday, then maybe we could meet another day, and to me it was like I couldn’t see all the red flags anymore, like the alarms didn’t sound in my head. I thought what many people who get catfished think, “this guy obviously is for real. I mean, how couldn’t he be?”
I told him I could go to his hotel on Monday at around noon, but we still talked during the weekend. It was all fine, and I was excited to meet this handsome foreigner. I went to work that Monday even though I didn’t really have to go, and I fixed the last of my stuff. I would only have to go back there on Friday to sign a paper. I was still talking to him while at work and I asked him for his hotel’s address. I told him I’d be there soon.
One of the things that upsets me the most, thinking back, is how much I paid for the Uber ride to get to that hotel. I literally spent like two hours going from the school to where this guy told me he was staying. I even asked him what shirt he was wearing so I could identify him quickly. Well, when I was ten minutes away from the hotel, this man stopped replying to my messages.
I got to the place and I was shaking. I really wanted this to work out. Honestly, at that point I still hoped he’d show up and be all charming with his black shirt. So I waited, and each time someone left the hotel I could feel my heart skip a beat because I thought it would be him. I waited and I tried to get a hold of him via OKC and Instagram, and he didn’t read the messages. I video called him, I tried everything I could with the limited information I got from him, while the doorman at the hotel looked at me like I was planning to rob the place or something.
After an hour, when I realized this was all a setup and someone somewhere was watching me and laughing at me, I left. While on the bus I unmatched the guy and unfollowed him on Instagram. I should’ve blocked him, but a dumb part of my brain still thought he had a great excuse for what had happened.
As if that wasn’t enough, one of my Snapchat guys, one who I thought was super loyal because he said he wanted a relationship with me, blocked me on SC and then when I asked him on Instagram what that was about, said that we were done. I was so mad and so lost that I cried. For a minute, I even thought that maybe the Snapchat guy had created the fake OKC account to make me suffer or something, but I dismissed it. These were two different people that saw through how pathetic I was being.
That day, when I realized the danger I had put myself into earlier by going to meet someone I had no idea about, after being rejected by a guy whom I treated badly ever since we started talking, I just felt like such a horrible person. I felt that this wasn’t about changing the security settings in my online dating apps or being more careful, it was about being done with that, with the destructive patterns I was following.
Have you ever been catfished or lied to by someone online? Care to share about it in the comments below?
Love, Miss Camila