Hello and happy Saturday. Today I have some more messages a few OkCupid users sent me. We’re actually only going to do three messages today, but I’m sure you’ll find them very entertaining. Let’s get started, shall we?
Ne’er: “I have been seeing from last few days. My friends make my fun about seeing you on online dating app. I say to them that I am into dilemma. Lol your eyes really make me cold feet. I want to talk to you but then again I feel that girl like you who received lot of messages from handsome guys, don’t want to talk to me. Really your picture make me happy and as well as nervous. My good friend is told me that just message you and tell you about everything. He said that if she like honesty and we are having long distance and which can doubt that serious things. But it would be great if we can be good friends.”
There is enough in this message to write an entire post on how NOT to write a first text, but I’ll try to be super concrete and brief. First of all, there’s the issue of his English. You know I sort of insisted on this during the first Weird Messages post: I get that English is not your first language, it isn’t mine either, we’re bound to make mistakes, but make sure to proofread your texts, and make sure they’re coherent and the person reading them will know what you mean. More often than not, I’ll swipe left on profiles with bad grammar because they seem like bots rather than an actual person.
The content of the message itself is just a big mess. This guy is neither here nor there, saying one thing and then totally contradicting himself in the next line. An example of this is the whole “my friends are making fun of me” but then he says his friend encouraged him to write the message. Which is it, dude? Apart from that, the whole fetching for pity thing and turning it to the girl, like guilt-tripping the girl because “sure if you’re a nice girl, you’ll reply to this text” is just a tacky strategy to have girls talk to you.
Now, I did all this dissection, and then for personal reasons, which I’ll explain some other time, I decided to delete my OkCupid account. I created a new one literally the day after that, so don’t worry children, mom’s back. Anyway, like the day after I created the new account this guy sends me this exact same message. And boy was I upset. Now, I usually just swipe left on copy-paste messages, right? But whenever I get two copy-paste messages from the same guy, and it’s happened like twice, I will say something because it’s enraging that I’m here wasting my time and effort in finding someone decent and a clever message to type, and then this guy just clicks “paste” and sends the same dumb sh*t to everyone. So I replied the following:
Dude, you literally sent me this exact message last week. Stop copy-pasting stuff and try to come up with your own original message for once. Maybe that way you can have a chance to actually meet a nice girl.
I waited for the guy to read the message and then I blocked him.
smile: “You dont look 24 at all :)”
I don’t know why guys use stuff like age and body type as a compliment. I don’t mean this in a “women get upset when men talk about their age or body type” kinda way, but in a more “what are men trying to get at with this comments?” way. Like, I don’t know if this guy (who didn’t even display his first name) means that I look older or younger. I’ve been told both and I seriously couldn’t give any less sh*ts. I’m 24, even if you tell me I don’t look my age, and I don’t know how that can turn into a topic of conversation with a complete stranger. I always wonder what the reasoning behind these messages is.
Sean: “Hi how are you? Youre really cool i wanna talk to you? By the way are you in colombia temperary also? I have family here im on vacation. Also i love tattoos also. I love tattooed women :p”
Remember in The Office when Holly thought Kevin had cognitive disabilities? I kinda felt that way rereading this message and typing it for you guys. Like, what if this guy has some sort of condition and that’s why his message was all over? I feel cruel for even thinking that, but just look at the way it’s written. Then there’s the “I love tattooed women” part, which is a bit suggestive so I’m basically clueless as to how to take this message.
This concludes part 3 of the Weird Stuff I’ve Been Told on OkCupid series. I’m going to change things up and reply to every message I get sent, and of course document the experience and share it with you. In the comments, tell me what you think about copy-paste messages.
Love, Miss Camila