Hello and happy Thursday. For those of you who don’t know, I’m a teacher, and though I have had more experience with little kids, I did work with teenagers for a while. Now, that time in my life was bad. I was struggling with depression and the worst case of anxiety I’d suffered, and teaching high school just made all of that worse.
I’m not going to tell you about that experience here because I have shared that in my teaching posts. On Thursdays we do personal stuff, and so I want you to picture me as Camila the absolute mess and not Miss Camila, who always has her shit together. I started working at this place on a Wednesday, and by Saturday I broke down crying to my mom and my sister and I told them I wanted to quit. That’s how bad I had it.
There were highlights to that time, though, but again, I’m going to tell you about those personal victories or successes, rather than the professional ones. Towards the end of the school year I found myself getting closer to these two girls, and the reason why I think I related to them was that they were like me when I was at school. No, not boy crazy. I mean they were total book nerds who read fanfic and who actually wrote stories and got excited about them.
I’ve told you in here about how I left my fiction writing aside a bit, and I now prefer to share bits of my life in this format. I don’t really miss writing fiction if I’m being honest. I feel that I had all this creativity boiling up inside me, and I went for the most common route, which didn’t really satisfy me. I mean, I know that I’m good at writing, but I don’t think my stories were any good.
Back to the story of my girls. One day at the end of the year I started talking to them and they told me how one really liked writing but she had many stories she’d started, but she didn’t finish any. In the way she spoke I felt a bit of shame because she was revealing a secret to a teacher, and maybe she even feared that I wasn’t going to get what she did or why she did it. Instead, I revealed a secret of my own: I’m a blogger.
As much as I love this blog, I feel like it’s still a secret to the people I’m closest with. I don’t have an issue telling strangers that I have a blog, but it’s not something I’m consistently talking about with friends and family. And yet I told these girls about it. Now I didn’t give them my URL and I don’t think they got home that afternoon to look me up, but I revealed that part of myself that I sort of keep away from the other aspects of my life.
When I started this blog I told the story of why I first started doing this, but that was so many posts ago I think we all need a refresher. I want to say I was either nineteen or twenty, but I don’t remember. I had just finished a book, and I want to say it was Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell. I was so pumped about that book that I felt like I had to talk to someone about it, but neither my friends nor my family had read it. So naturally I started a blog, which I called Books I’ve Read and there I started posting my reviews.
At the beginning I was kind of a mess. I would post every time I wanted to, so there wasn’t a defined schedule. Eventually I decided I would post on Wednesdays, and even in this blog, that’s the day designated for bookish posts. I then created The Cool Teacher Diaries, a blog where I shared my teaching thoughts, my materials, and basically everything teaching-related. Then I created Mila Blogs in Spanish, which was the blog where I would write reviews in Spanish. I wasn’t very consistent with that one. The last addition to the cluster of blogs was Mila Loves Makeup, which was my makeup, beauty, and lifestyle blog.
I thought I was all set and for a while I managed the four blogs from one Blogger account, which is easier than you’d think, but still I wasn’t completely satisfied. On one hand, I had no followers. Not one. I only had one comment in one post, out of all the ones I’d published. And I felt that there was no point putting all this content out there if nobody was reading it. On the other hand, I felt like I was sort of lying, having four blogs as if I were four different people.
One day I decided I’d had enough and I rescued this old WordPress account that I’d opened for a university assignment. I decided that in order not to feel like lying I had to be authentic, and that meant having all those things I’d compartmentalized in one same place, and that place would have my name.
Writing and scheduling posts in one platform instead of four was easier. I felt that I was getting so many more ideas that I had never given myself the chance to explore because I felt that they didn’t “fit” anywhere, and in this blog I made them fit because like in life you can have space for different likes and passions. I also started gaining followers and that was a crazy thing for me. I felt that what I wrote was finally being read by someone. I got comments on my posts and that made me even more excited to keep blogging.
Now that I’m on the longest vacation ever, I write almost every day and I schedule my posts way in advance. I have a long list of post ideas, and they just keep coming. I’m happy with this. I don’t feel like it’s a chore, and I feel that I have found that creative outlet that I thought was fiction writing as a teen.
What’s a passion of yours that you’re glad to be pursuing? Let me know in the comments below.
Love, Miss Camila