Following My Own Advice

Following My Own Advice

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Hello and happy Thursday. For those of you who don’t know, I’m a teacher, and though I have had more experience with little kids, I did work with teenagers for a while. Now, that time in my life was bad. I was struggling with depression and the worst case of anxiety I’d suffered, and teaching high school just made all of that worse.

I’m not going to tell you about that experience here because I have shared that in my teaching posts. On Thursdays we do personal stuff, and so I want you to picture me as Camila the absolute mess and not Miss Camila, who always has her shit together. I started working at this place on a Wednesday, and by Saturday I broke down crying to my mom and my sister and I told them I wanted to quit. That’s how bad I had it.

There were highlights to that time, though, but again, I’m going to tell you about those personal victories or successes, rather than the professional ones. Towards the end of the school year I found myself getting closer to these two girls, and the reason why I think I related to them was that they were like me when I was at school. No, not boy crazy. I mean they were total book nerds who read fanfic and who actually wrote stories and got excited about them.

I’ve told you in here about how I left my fiction writing aside a bit, and I now prefer to share bits of my life in this format. I don’t really miss writing fiction if I’m being honest. I feel that I had all this creativity boiling up inside me, and I went for the most common route, which didn’t really satisfy me. I mean, I know that I’m good at writing, but I don’t think my stories were any good.

Back to the story of my girls. One day at the end of the year I started talking to them and they told me how one really liked writing but she had many stories she’d started, but she didn’t finish any. In the way she spoke I felt a bit of shame because she was revealing a secret to a teacher, and maybe she even feared that I wasn’t going to get what she did or why she did it. Instead, I revealed a secret of my own: I’m a blogger.

As much as I love this blog, I feel like it’s still a secret to the people I’m closest with. I don’t have an issue telling strangers that I have a blog, but it’s not something I’m consistently talking about with friends and family. And yet I told these girls about it. Now I didn’t give them my URL and I don’t think they got home that afternoon to look me up, but I revealed that part of myself that I sort of keep away from the other aspects of my life.

When I started this blog I told the story of why I first started doing this, but that was so many posts ago I think we all need a refresher. I want to say I was either nineteen or twenty, but I don’t remember. I had just finished a book, and I want to say it was Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell. I was so pumped about that book that I felt like I had to talk to someone about it, but neither my friends nor my family had read it. So naturally I started a blog, which I called Books I’ve Read and there I started posting my reviews.

At the beginning I was kind of a mess. I would post every time I wanted to, so there wasn’t a defined schedule. Eventually I decided I would post on Wednesdays, and even in this blog, that’s the day designated for bookish posts. I then created The Cool Teacher Diaries, a blog where I shared my teaching thoughts, my materials, and basically everything teaching-related. Then I created Mila Blogs in Spanish, which was the blog where I would write reviews in Spanish. I wasn’t very consistent with that one. The last addition to the cluster of blogs was Mila Loves Makeup, which was my makeup, beauty, and lifestyle blog.

I thought I was all set and for a while I managed the four blogs from one Blogger account, which is easier than you’d think, but still I wasn’t completely satisfied. On one hand, I had no followers. Not one. I only had one comment in one post, out of all the ones I’d published. And I felt that there was no point putting all this content out there if nobody was reading it. On the other hand, I felt like I was sort of lying, having four blogs as if I were four different people.

One day I decided I’d had enough and I rescued this old WordPress account that I’d opened for a university assignment. I decided that in order not to feel like lying I had to be authentic, and that meant having all those things I’d compartmentalized in one same place, and that place would have my name.

Writing and scheduling posts in one platform instead of four was easier. I felt that I was getting so many more ideas that I had never given myself the chance to explore because I felt that they didn’t “fit” anywhere, and in this blog I made them fit because like in life you can have space for different likes and passions. I also started gaining followers and that was a crazy thing for me. I felt that what I wrote was finally being read by someone. I got comments on my posts and that made me even more excited to keep blogging.

Now that I’m on the longest vacation ever, I write almost every day and I schedule my posts way in advance. I have a long list of post ideas, and they just keep coming. I’m happy with this. I don’t feel like it’s a chore, and I feel that I have found that creative outlet that I thought was fiction writing as a teen.

What’s a passion of yours that you’re glad to be pursuing? Let me know in the comments below.

Happy Thursday!

Love, Miss Camila

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Flat Out Fluff

Flat Out Fluff

 

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Hello and happy Wednesday. I’m not really sorry for the cheesy title, and I think my true supporters will definitely appreciate it. I don’t know if you’ve noticed that I’m revamping my audiobook game, and that’s because now I spend around three hours a day on a bus going to and from work and I’ve decided to use that time to listen to awesome titles, and then share my thoughts on them with you. Today’s title is Flat-Out-Love by Jessica Park. Let’s get started, shall we?

I started listening to this novel when I’d just gotten back home after a pretty dark period in which I attempted to make it on my own in a foreign country and instead faced anxiety and depression. I’m giving you this context because right from the beginning, the story reminded me of what I felt the last two times I went to Baltimore, especially that final time, when I arrived to my Airbnb and realized that it was located in a far from nice neighborhood.

I think because it evoked such hard feelings, I was sort of predisposed to hating the book, to the point that almost immediately I decided I wouldn’t end up liking Julie, the main character, all that much. I think that partly I didn’t like her because I saw my attitudes reflected in hers. She just complains a lot at first because nobody *gets* her. Well, doesn’t that sound familiar?  I must say that this novel really surprised me in a positive way, and that my predispositions were gone as I kept listening and finding out more about the characters and the plot.

This is a love story, okay? So if you’re either not in the mood for that right now, or you’re just not into love stories in general, you might not like this as much. It has some of the romance clichés, which to me were predictable because I’ve read my fair share of these stories in my life. I picked up on a love-at-first-sight situation, but it was so well developed that even I doubted my first impression at times and thought I could’ve been wrong and that the story was going to take a completely different turn.

I like that this story doesn’t have the typical main characters. Julie is pretty regular, and her love interest ends up not being the obvious choice for her. Matt is intentionally super nerdy and his personality is just different from what I’m used to reading, in a good way. And obviously we get Celeste, who’s just such a unique character.

I’d spent a while without listening to an audiobook and I had forgotten how annoying it was to hear a female narrator talk like men. And yes, all of you people ready to fight me on this one and call me whatever you want to call me, I want to add that I also hate when male narrators imitate women.

Wen I say this is a love story, I also mean that I fell in love with it. Like I said, I think at the beginning there were many factors that weren’t allowing me to enjoy it to the fullest, but with time I really got into it. I find that the author took some very obvious and unoriginal elements and worked with them in a way that was so brilliant that the reader would have never predicted, and I think it takes a lot of talent to do this. Elements like love at first sight, which I already mentioned, the girl moving in with a stupidly rich and very dysfunctional family, a potential love triangle, those are all elements for disaster in my opinion, but they were developed so nicely into the story that I really enjoyed them.

Another element that I don’t see often but that I wish I did because it so relates to my personal life is the potential for an online romance. Come on, I haven’t seen enough of that around the Young Adult/ New Adult world and it’s something I thoroughly enjoy. When this was added to the story I was immediately hooked. Also Flynn, who’s Julie’s potential online lover, reminds me a ton of Noah Flynn from The Kissing Booth. This is a novel by Beth Reekles, which was also adapted to a Netflix movie and is all you’ll ever want plus more.

Again because I’m a cynic and I’ve read a lot, I could predict a major plot twist, which I won’t share with you, but I enjoyed seeing how it built up. I don’t care when stories become a bit predictable if they still keep me interested, you know? Basically, I don’t care if I can already tell what’s going to happen but I have yet to know the how.

At one point I did start doubting whether this story would focus more on Julie’s love life or on her relationship with Celeste, and I did because we have a third potential love interest introduced, and that sort of threw me off my game a bit, at least for a while.

I liked that this story dealt with deeper psychological stuff that I hadn’t anticipated when I started listening. I also really appreciated the super erotic scene that I can only relate to very intense sexting. Thank you, Jessica, for that.

To sum this up, yes I loved it and yes I super recommend it. There is a heartbreaking plot twist and there’s a lot that you might enjoy. I’m happy I gave this story the chance despite not being in the best mood for the first few chapters.

Now, this book is the first in a series. Should I read and review the others? Let me know in the comments.

Happy reading!

Love, Miss Camila

Caroline from “Teachers” Makeup

Caroline from “Teachers” Makeup

Hello and happy Monday. Probably the most relatable show I’ve watched in a long while is Teachers (for obvious reasons), and I feel like I’m a mix between Chelsea, Feldman, Deb, and Caroline. Even though Chelsea is my true spirit animals, some days I just look in the mirror only to realize I am channeling my inner Caroline with the headbands and the cute sweaters.

Today’s makeup look is for the teachers because I know it’s hard to look decent throughout the day, especially given that we only have a matter of minutes to get ready in the morning. Check out the steps below to see how I put together my Caroline look.

 

 

 

  1. Primer
  2. Concealer
  3. Foundation
  4. Eyebrows
  5. Bronze (eyelid base)
  6. Bronze (outer corner)
  7. Black liquid eyeliner
  8. Brown eyeliner (tightline)
  9. Mascara
  10. Bronzer
  11. Blush
  12. Nude lipgloss

In the comments below, tell me something you remember about your teachers growing up, like a distinctive piece of clothing, or maybe a makeup look they always wore.

Happy Monday!

Love, Miss Camila

Sample vs. Full Size #8

Sample vs. Full Size #8

 

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Hello and happy Sunday. Yesterday I started packing my stuff for Baltimore and I’m kind of freaking out and also forcing myself to be calm, cool, and collected. For now, I’ll just take deep breaths and go to my happy place, which is full of makeup and pretty things. I’ll also tell you about some products I got in an Ipsy glam bag way back when, and whether I’d buy the full size version or not and why. Let’s get started, shall we?

CHELLA Eyebrow Defining Gel 

Full size: I got the full size version of the product in my glam bag.

Full price: $18

Buy? Yes/No? Why? I remember when I was at school and didn’t wear any makeup whatsoever. I remember I had a classmate who would wear clear mascara, not just on her eyelashes but on her brows. When I started playing with makeup, I bought a tube of Great Lash clear mascara and would wear it one my brows sometimes. That costs half as much as what this gel costs and it has more contents. If I were to buy a clear gel for my brows, which I currently don’t need, what would you think I’d buy? Make a wild guess.

LUXIE Beauty Precision Shader Onyx Brush 239

Full size: I got the actual brush in my glam bag.

Full price: $14

Buy? Yes/No? Why? I’m going to say something I’ve said before with other products, and it’s that yes, I think this is overpriced, but at the same time I don’t think it’s crazy expensive. Like, it’s still a no for me, but not a hell no, especially because I absolutely adore this brush and I use it every day to apply my eyeshadow, but I’m sure there are other brands that are just as good and way less expensive.

SERAPHINE BOTANICALS Lip Polish in Orange + Cream 

Full size: I’m pretty sure I got the full-size version of this product, which weighs 10g or 0.35 oz.

Full price: $18

Buy? Yes/No? Why? I’ve reviewed a few Seraphine Botanicals products before, and I still haven’t learned that for some reason this brand’s prices are ridiculously expensive. No, I would not pay nearly $20 for a lip scrub, that’s just not the way I am. Yes, I have to admit that this has lasted me a long time, so for some people it might be worth the high price. For me, it’s not; lip scrubs are not essentials, they’re just nice additions, so it just feels wrong to pay so much for one.

NYX Faux Blacks Eyeliner in Black Olive 

Full size: I got the actual pencil in my glam bag.

Full price: $8

Buy? Yes/No? Why? I absolutely adore NYX and everything this brand comes up with. I think both the faux black and the faux white lines are gorgeous. Yes, I would buy other shades from these lines, and I’d only feel guilty for like five minutes. I think NYX is worth the $8.

SON & PARK Beauty Water 

Full size: I got a sample, which was 1 oz. The full size version is 11.49 oz.

Full price: $30

Buy? Yes/ No? Why? I love skincare, okay? And I honestly try my best to work for my skin’s health because I know that’s what matters in the long run and not the amount of foundation and other makeup products I pack on every day. That being said, there are products that I just don’t know what they were made for. Tonic is one of them. I sometimes used tonic as a primer, and some other times I used it to remove excess makeup at the end of the day, but like the lip scrub, it’s just an extra for me. I’m not going to pay $30 for a product I don’t yet understand.

That’s it for today. As always, let me know in the comments below which of these products you’d buy and why.

Happy Sunday!

Love, Miss Camila

Weird Stuff I’ve Been Told On OkCupid pt. 3.1

Weird Stuff I’ve Been Told On OkCupid pt. 3.1

Announcement.pngHello and happy Saturday. After five years in the online dating world, a girl has to wonder “what the hell did I do to get such weird (and sometimes creepy) messages?” Seriously, I’ve changed my profile a few times over the years, I update my pictures frequently and I always make sure that what is in my profile doesn’t lead to people misunderstanding my intentions. And yet, here I come with a fresh batch of stuff that made me cringe and laugh and also question whether I’ll be single the rest of my life. I don’t remember if in previous posts I quoted the author of the message, but from now on I’ll do that. Don’t worry, if you did send me one of the messages, only your first name will be displayed, so you’ll be a little embarrassed but not publicly humiliated. Let’s get started, shall we?

Pratyush: “Not the best idea to start a conversation but instead of small talk (which I am weirdly terrible at) can we please pretend I used some really cool line and skip the boring part and talk about something more fin? Like how I am going to pay the bank my education loans? Or if you can make me feel better by telling me that you have them too? Also- what are your thoughts about pineapple?”

Oh wow, dear Pratyush. Your message was definitely something. My initial thought when rereading and typing this message was “this guy got that first line from a dating coach or something of the sort.” I mean, theoretically, I would see the whole “let’s skip the small talk and cut to the point” line work, although maybe it’s something that works better in person if you’re in like a bar or a party. So, okay, the intention was there, and it might have worked. What failed and turned this line into a mess? I think our dear friend here tried to improvise at the end, talking about student loans and pineapple. It was random, it was awfully personal in my opinion, and it was kind of desperate. Also, I’m pretty sure it’s copy-paste and you know how I hate those. Boy, bye.

Maamoun: “I got half a mind to take you to a very glamorous restaurant where the lights are low and the music is so soft. And  got half a mind to hear you breathe in ecstasy against my neck…”

Sweetie, I read mommy porn, I know you didn’t come up with that text yourself and I know you send it around to basically every girl out there and wait to see who actually falls for that cheesy line. Again, it sounds like a line from a dating coach. I mean, the title of the post is probably something like “How to Awaken Your Girl’s Sex Drive With One Line.” I hate sexual comments from strangers, and this kind of messages are the reason why I block so many people everyday on OkCupid.

Rahul: “Hi…can we become friends :)” 

No, honey, we can’t. That’s not the way you make friends. That’s the way you find girls in need of affection. Now, I don’t know this particular guy’s motives, but judging by the latest developments on 90 Day Fiancé Happily Ever After, I’m now more suspicious about this type of messages, targeted to sad and lonely girls to fall in love with handsome and exotic strangers. You know who I’m talking about, right Azan?

Ted: “What do you think about guys who don’t wear underwear?”

Let me set the context for this message: I was actually talking to another guy at the time and I’d send him some of the weird messages I got for him to read. I sent him this one, and then I sort of felt challenged to reply, so I did. The truth is, I won’t think any more or less of a guy who doesn’t wear underwear. It’s your decision and your comfort. I think it’s weird that’s the first message he decides to send, like he really does care about what people think of his decision of going commando. Now an update because I know you’re curious: I’m not talking to either guy anymore.

M…:”Hi my eyes are stuck on your beautiful face and not going any where, any suggestions what to do now? Hope to hear from you soon”

I’m pretty sure this guy had a full name, but I couldn’t catch it. Anyway, it seems like the dating coach was giving out free copy-paste messages because this one is clearly one. This honestly makes me cringe, and I’m sure there’s a type of woman this kinda thing works with, it just doesn’t with me. I know too much about online dating to fall for that one. Also, I personally don’t like people straight up talking about my looks, you know? I’d rather you went ahead and tried to actually have a conversation, not throw that cheesy line at me and wait for my reaction.

mostafa: “hi my name is mostafa from Egypt i’m looking for a beautiful woman like u, and i want to spend my life with the right woman can we get to know each other.”

Now this is probably Azan’s first message to Nicole. It is clearly a scam, and I obviously didn’t fall for it, but I also understand why some women do. I mean, we all have different reasons why we go into online dating, and many people just feel lonely and desperate and in need of a connection they consider real. Many people want to find that someone to spend the rest of their lives with, and then here comes this guy who’s saying all the right things, all the things some people want to hear. I said it’s a scam earlier because in my mind arrangements that are based solely on convenience are, but to each their own.

Skybil: “I’m Bilal from Algeria we can be friends or maybe more how’s know if you Went Camela of course…I really like you.”

I want you to look at this and the previous messages and look at the similarities when it comes to structure. First they introduce themselves, then for some reason they say where they’re from, and after that they go straight to whichever proposition they have, which in both cases includes something “more” than being friends. Now I know this message got confusing in the middle, and I think what he meant to say was it I wanted to (my name is Camila, we all know that), but again it’s clearly a copy-paste that gets sent to see which vulnerable woman will actually respond.

Ka: “I love your body type”

How to get me upset? Give me unsolicited opinions about my body. Honestly, even if it’s to say you like it, don’t. I have full-body pictures in my profile, I have pictures wearing a bikini, I’m showing you exactly how I look like so that we’re both sure that if you swiped right it’s because you liked my body type, among other aspects of myself. I’ve talked about my body type in this blog, and I’ve told you I fall in this in between where I’m not really plus size, but I’m “big” for straight sizes. I have big legs and a booty and I have rolls, and I know how to rock them. So please don’t think you’re doing me a favor by saying you like my body type because there are men who genuinely do without having to wave a flag and announce it to the world. You and your kinks can go somewhere else, thank you.

This is getting super long, so let me just stop right there, and continue with part 3.2 next week, and I promise there is good stuff coming. In the comments below tell me if someone has ever tried to scam you online or in real life.

Happy Saturday!

Love, Miss Camila

My 15th Birthday

My 15th Birthday

 

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Hello and happy Thursday. For the brief time of my professional life in which I worked with teens, I couldn’t help but look back and relate to things they were living. And, like my psychoanalyst says, I was looking at those moments “from the other side,” like a bullfighter after the fight, watching their colleagues struggle with a huge beast that might harm them. I know, terrible analogy, but it was my psychoanalyst’s, not mine.

One day I had class with ninth grade and this girl approached me and said “Miss, can I got to the nurse’s office. It’s my birthday and I have a terrible headache.” Now I can only speculate that she decided to give me those two pieces of information because they were related. She was telling me that it was her birthday and that she was having a miserable time. I looked at her and told her, with all the conviction in the world and now being on the other side, that it would get better. I mean, it has gotten better for me, at least.

When I turned fifteen years old I was in ninth grade. I wasn’t going to throw a party, like some of my classmates, which is common tradition in Latin American countries. I was going to travel and see my favorite band perform at a shady bar in Chicago. I was going through that existential crisis I’ve told you about here and there, and honestly I was feeling quite indifferent towards turning fifteen.

I went to school that day because life was unfair. I mean, all birthdays should be moved to weekends or people should be allowed to avoid their responsibilities for the day. In my school we had to wear uniforms: skirts for “everyday,” and sweats for the days when we had P.E. I wore sweats on a skirt day on my fifteenth birthday because I got the schedule mixed up.

Now, I’ll tell you something now that I’m ten years older and not a day wiser: you do not want to attract attention on your birthday by wearing the wrong uniform. That’s just self-sabotage. Nobody noticed me very much that day at school aside from my two best friends who congratulated me and the math teacher who told me, “wearing sweats for your birthday, huh?” Self-sabotage, I’m telling you.

I feel that it was a bad birthday partly because of my attitude. I’m not one to announce to the world, “hey, today x years ago I came into this world,” but you know, I could’ve done something, like do a countdown so that people were aware and could at least congratulate me. With the years I have come to realize that sometimes people have the best intentions towards us and we have to give them a little push or stir in the right direction. Sometimes people want to do a nice thing for us and they need a clue as to what to do or how to do it.

That’s why I don’t blame anyone who didn’t say happy birthday to me that day, and that’s why a Facebook post resonated with me so much. The post was from a classmate who I can now call a good friend. She wrote on my wall something along the lines of “OMG I had no idea today was your birthday. Why didn’t you say anything?” I know now that she felt bad for having spending the entire day sharing a room with me and not saying happy birthday.

The following morning I threw up first thing. I didn’t even have time to go to the bathroom. I threw up on my duvet. And I felt, “well if this is what fifteen’s like, I don’t want it.” Even though I was feeling better later that day, I begged my mom to let me stay at home. For some reason I just didn’t want to be at school after my horrible birthday, and she let me. I feel that on that day I started “recovering” from that crisis of mine, and I decided no other birthday would be spent the way my fifteenth birthday was.

Do you remember any particularly bad birthday? Tell me about it in the comments below.

Happy Thursday!

Love, Miss Camila

My OTP’s

My OTP’s

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Hello and happy Wednesday. I have a cold from hell, which made me get up early this morning, even though it’s a Sunday, and take a shower because showers are the only thing that helps me not feel like shit. That means I have a ton of time, so obviously I’m using it to catch up on posts. Today, I’ll share with you my top three OTP’s from books I’ve read this year. Let’s get started, shall we?

Harry and Ginny from the Harry Potter series by J.K Rowling 

This year I read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, which if I’m not mistaken is the book where Harry and Ginny’s love blooms. I’d never shipped the movie characters, but the way their romance starts in the book is awesome. Also, I totally adore Harry’s sassy attitude, that is met with Ginny’s wits. They’re perfect for each other in a non-cheesy way.

Harper and David from Rebel Belle by Rachel Hawkins 

I’ve already talked about this two a bit, once when I did the review of this novel, and then I went in and talked about David on my Boy Crushes post, but this is such an adorable couple that I’ll go ahead and feature them in this post too. Just as with Harry and Ginny, I love both Harper’s and David’s personalities separately. Harper is a badass and David is just the cutest, quirkiest guy ever, and together they just make sense. Yes, I think that later on in the series they’ll experience some turbulence, but in the end I think they’ll make it. No spoilers, please.

Emma and literally every guy that crosses her way from Emma by Jane Austen 

Poor Emma’s love life is an absolute mess, but I’ve known women like her, who are always attracting the wrong men at the wrong time, and then when the men lose interest, that’s when they, the women, start checking them out. I’m listening to the audiobook and I’m not done yet, so I might be surprised at the end, but what I’ve listened so far has had me very confused. In my mind, every guy that comes near Emma could be the perfect fit for her: first Mr. Elton, then Frank Churchill, and obviously Mr. Knightly. I’ literally change my mind every time a guy comes into the scene because I think “yes, this is it!” and then he isn’t. My poor little heart has suffered as much as Emma’s, but I’m still hopeful that she’ll find love.

What are your bookish OTP’s? Tell me about them in the comments below.

Happy reading!

Love, Miss Camila