The Anatomy of a Great First Message

The Anatomy of a Great First Message

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Hello and happy Tuesday. Today I bring you a nice Christmas present: I bring you probably the most memorable first message I’ve gotten. I know I’ve already talked a lot about why a first message is important, in the context of online dating, but today I want to give you a real-life example and I want us all to dissect and analyze it. Let’s get started, shall we?

Now, first and foremost, let’s get some context for those of you who are probably new here. After a not so great online dating experience, I decided to delete my OK Cupid account and give myself a month. I did, and following some dating advice from Mark Rosenfeld, I created an account from scratch. I believe I got this message on my first day back on OK Cupid. Here it goes:

“I don’t look like Josh Dallas, but I have tattoos and can flirt in awkward.” 

Okay, so I know this looks like a very weird message and that you’d probably swipe left if you got something like this, so I’m going to explain why it was so great for me. This message shows that the guy read my profile and used the information I provided to write something that is 100% personalized.

Yes, I’ve fallen for the “you seem really intelligent and interesting” messages, but you can literally send that to everyone, without even reading their profile. I’ve also gotten messages from people who clearly have only read part of my profile because they then ask me stuff they could’ve found out had they scrolled down a bit.

Now, let’s break this message into three parts, and analyze each, okay? That way you’ll understand why I thought it was so great and why you’ll want to get messages like this as opposed to the generic ones.

1. I don’t look like Josh Dallas. 

Josh Dallas is Prince Charming/ David in Once Upon a Time and he’s the embodiment of the kind of guy I want to marry someday. He’s attractive but not overly hot so as to make me feel insecure, and he looks like a fine lumberjack, and yes, I’m into that. In my profile, under the “what I’m looking for” section, I wrote something along the lines of “If you look anything like Josh Dallas, hit me up.” I appreciate the message even if, indeed, he looked nothing like the actor.

2. I have tattoos. 

Under that same section, I wrote “you’ll get bonus points if you have tattoos and/or are a teacher.” What? I like my men inked. I also feel that sometimes people without tattoos judge us inked people, like we harmed our body or something. I often like to be able to see the tattoos rather than to be told about them, but then again, this guy just wanted to score more points.

3. I can flirt in awkward. 

In the first section, which is the “self summary,” I wrote that I can flirt and curse in over four languages, which is true and I can prove it if we ever get to meet in person. His comment was funny and smart, and I’m sure some girl could find it charming. I personally don’t like awkward people, so that backfired for him, but it was still a nice try.

I’ll be completely honest here and tell you that I’m a shallow person and that looks matter to me. I’m saying that because despite the awesome message, when I checked out this guy’s pictures I realized I wasn’t interested in him at all. There were just too many things about his style that bothered me, that I had to swipe left. I kept the message, though, and maybe one day I’ll get one just as cool from a guy I genuinely feel attracted to.

Today because it’s Christmas in the U.S and everybody in Colombia will probably spend the day sleeping, tell me about something you wish to get, material or not.

Happy Tuesday!

Love, Miss Camila