Hello and happy Saturday. The longest month of my life is finally over, and I’m glad to tell you that I am back on OK Cupid, with a whole new profile I created following Mark Rosenfeld’s advice. In case you’re wondering, no, he’s not the only coach I follow. I recently started watching Matthew Hussey’s videos and reading his blog posts. I also got his book a while ago for reviewing purposes via Netgalley. In today’s post I’ll let you know what I took into account when filling out my profile, and I link you to sources you might find interesting. Let’s get started, shall we?
First and foremost, keep in mind that, in a way, I had a full month of preparation when it came to this profile. Many people impulsively make the decision of going into online dating. They think “f*ck it, I’ll just go on this or that app” and create a profile. I’ve done that, remember that I first went on OK Cupid five years ago. This time, though, I decided that in order to be smart about the whole online dating thing, I had to have a plan.
Ultimately, my plan had two parts. The first one was thinking about my profile in abstract, so I gathered general ideas of what an attractive profile should and shouldn’t include. I used many ideas from Mark’s blog post How to Be Down to Earth (And Why It’s So Attractive) because I’m definitely trying to be more down to earth, and come across as one.
See, I’m concerned with the superficial because I’m a professional makeup artist and I’m obsessed with all things beauty, but that’s something that can probably come up in conversation on a date, and not a piece of vital information I *have* to include in my profile, right? Here comes the second aspect Mark relates to being down to earth, and it’s not bragging. I’m not a modest person, and I know I should be more humble, so part of it is finding ways to include in my the achievements I’m proudest of without sounding arrogant.
No online dating profile is perfect and I think we all could benefit from advice, but obviously that doesn’t mean you have the same concerns as I do or make the same mistakes I’ve made. You may be super down to earth and think I’m over the top for being superficial and for bragging. That’s totally okay; I’m trying to grow, and probably you are, too, in other aspects, which is why I’m linking the posts and videos I used so that you can check them out.
Now, I didn’t just sit in front of the computer and filled out my profile. I actually wrote “drafts” of answers to questions I remembered, and I would revise them, until I was satisfied with the result, and had all answers ready for the day when I created the profile. That worked for me because I was able to reflect upon what I really wanted to say, and not just type the first thing that came to my mind.
When reading Five Dating Profiles That Push Men Away, I realized that I’d made two huge mistakes in the past, and that this time I had to avoid them completely:
1) I was negative, so I would write stuff like “do NOT text unless you want to have a real conversation” or things of the sort.
2) I was sort of projecting my frustrations with past online dating experiences. I remember after my first OK Cupid fail, in my new profile I wrote something like “text me if you’re willing to meet. This last guy would tell me that he loved me without even meeting me in person.”
I have seen those two in guys’ profiles, and it’s a total turnoff. I mean, what’s worse than the “not here to play games” or “tired of crazy bitches” lines? My current philosophy when it comes to online dating is: if I don’t like seeing something in a potential match’s profile, then why would I include it in mine?
Now, let’s talk about what makes a profile attractive. I took ideas from What Should I Write in My Online Dating Profile . The best piece of advice I got from that video was simply: be grateful. It is exactly the opposite of being restrictive or demanding, so instead of saying “you should only talk to me if you have tattoos,” I wrote “you’ll get bonus points if you’re inked.” I think this is a way of showing once preferences without coming of as bitchy.
On Tinder Dating Tips: How to Write Your Tinder Bio, Mark focuses on keeping the profile short and sweet. Yes, this is Tinder and I opened an OK Cupid account, but still, I said it once before: I don’t like to read long-ass profiles, so I’m not going to write a long-ass profile. I kept my answers to very short paragraphs, and I mean, two-sentence paragraphs at the most.
I also wanted to be smart when it came to my pictures, so I read 9 Secrets to an Attention Grabbing Profile Picture, and I watched Tinder Tips For Women: How to Choose Your Photos. From these two, I got an idea of which pictures to upload and why. For example, I added some pictures of me wearing little makeup or none at all. I also included pictures that weren’t selfies, and captioned all of them.
I realized that my whole mindset had to change, and not just my profile. Yesterday a guy actually asked me whether I was looking for friends with benefits, and my reply was “I’m looking. I don’t really know what I’m looking for.” That was my way of telling him that I’m open to meeting people and seeing what happens, as opposed to being set of looking for my husband. Mark refers to this in 6 Tinder Tips for Women, when he talks about not taking Tinder too seriously, and I think that’s my current mindset: not taking OK Cupid and online dating in general, too seriously.
Along that same line I had to embrace the fact that I’ll probably be spending months swiping left and right, and that yes, I have to swipe right more. I learned this from How To Get Matches On Tinder, The #1 Reason Online Dating Has Failed You, and 3 Attitudes You NEED To Date Successfully Online.
In the comments below tell me what you think makes a profile attractive.
Love, Miss Camila