Hello and happy Saturday. I’m really excited to bring you the last post of the “Get My Attention on OK Cupid” series because I think today’s topic is a make-it-or-break-it when it comes to progressing in online interactions. Even though my experiences with J and MHD failed because I’m currently not talking to either, they were successful in the way that they both progressed past OK Cupid. Basically, today I’m talking about how important it is for me to move to other platforms when the moment is right.
When I’m checking out a guy’s profile, which is my second filter after liking his pictures, I make sure he doesn’t have any social media/ contact information displayed in it. Why? Wouldn’t it just be easier to contact them directly via Snapchat or Whatsapp? Of course it would be easier, but that doesn’t mean it’d be better. I used to make the mistake of posting my Instagram and Snapchat handles in my profile, and in some occasions I did get directly contacted by some guys. The messages were actually very polite and no unsolicited dick pics were involved (thank goodness). Still, I’m not letting that information be public; if I consider someone deserving of it, then I’ll give it personally.
Displaying your social media information like that is in a way setting a trap and seeing who catches. You’re not making any effort, the people who see your profile are, and if that’s the case, then I don’t want to have any interaction with you. To me, it comes to this: if you share your Instagram, you only want to be seen (and you care way too much about your follower count even if you won’t admit it); if you share your Whatsapp, you just want to talk to literally anyone, and you don’t really care about making a connection; and finally, if you share your Snapchat, then you clearly just want to send dick pics to whomever is watching (and hoping they’ll return the favor).
If what you’re really after is finding people with whom you can make a particular connection, keep that information to yourself at first. In both of my noteworthy online dating experiences, I’ve been the one to tell the guy “hey, let’s move on to another platform.” With J, he actually had to download Whatsapp and I’m pretty sure I was his only contact, while with MHD I told him to follow me on Instagram and we used the messaging feature for a while, and then we moved on to Snapchat.
I think everybody’s “right time” can be different, especially given the conditions you’re in. If you’re meeting people in your area, it makes sense to move on to other platforms that same day because chances are you want to meet soon. In both of my cases, I had more time to decide whether I was interested in continuing the conversation elsewhere or not, so I took a week. Now, it’s not like I counted the days or anything, but that’s how long I’d been talking with each guy when I proposed the use of another app.
As I told you, both guys agreed immediately. MHD followed me on IG and texted me right away, even though for some reason I didn’t see his message until the following day. I don’t have a problem being the one who suggests using apps that I think are more personal than OK Cupid, but I’m not going to beg a guy to do so. I can make the suggestion, but I obviously expect a positive reply. If you’d prefer not to exchange numbers, use other apps that don’t require a phone number, but don’t give me the “I have no Facebook/ Instagram” excuse. This doesn’t guarantee that a guy is not a catfish, but I believe if he’s able to give you a solution like “I don’t have IG but we can talk via Facebook/ Snapchat,” then you can give him the chance. My brother doesn’t have an Instagram account, but he does have Snapchat and Facebook (and he’s clearly a real person), so I know the case is rare, but it happens.
Now, I think the magic of moving on to other platforms is making things more real. You’re just not two profiles, but you’re showing each other who you are outside of an online dating app, and that’s great. By being on Instagram, you’re able to see things in a person that they might not even know they’re showing: they love their pets, they spend a lot of time with family/ friends. Hell, you can even know that they still value a former relationship because there are posts of them and their ex they haven’t deleted. And it can also tell you things about yourself by looking at their profile: “look, he’s got a tattoo. That’s pretty hot,” or “oh, wait, are those his parents? What a sweet picture!”
I couldn’t have held the conversations I did with J or MHD had we stuck to OK Cupid, but I don’t think I would’ve trusted them as much had they suggested to switch to something else too soon. What do you think about this? What is your “right time” when it comes to giving someone you met online your number or social media handles? Let me know in the comments!
Love, Miss Camila