Hello and happy Saturday. When it comes to online dating, I’m not against texting first, but for some reason in my most successful experiences the guy was the one who sent the first message. I personally like that initial display of interest and attraction, and it makes me feel more at ease than if I were to text first and was just sort of expecting a reply. That is my personal case, and in no way I mean to say that guys “should” always text first.
Now, if you’ve been around for a while, you know that many guys in the past have tried to make a memorable first impression my sending me the craziest messages. Oddly enough, I didn’t swipe right on none of these guys. The problem, I think, with these weird messages, is that, though they’re well-intended, they don’t lead to a real conversation. If you send me a paragraph commenting on every little thing I wrote on my profile, am I expected to reply with another paragraph?
On the other hand, there are guys who just text “hey” or “hi,” which leaves me nothing to work with. You say hi, then I say hi back, and that’s pretty much it, no? I’ve sent “hi” or “happy Saturday” texts before, but once I’ve had other conversations with the person. I even send these texts as a way to let someone know I’m thinking about them, but I don’t really intend to have a full-on conversation with them.
There are texts that are not paragraph-long, but are not just one-syllable either. They seem to have potential, and so I’m eager to reply to them. And then the potential conversation just dies. I once spent three days talking to a guy, until I got tired and deleted the conversation. We exchanged about ten texts in those three days because every time I said something, he’d reply with a conversation ender. What are conversation enders, you ask? “Oh, okay,” “LOL,” “cool,” and expressions of the sort. There’s no reply to that, and when I don’t know a person and they text me this, I just automatically lose interest.
Let me get something very clear: I’m not saying that you should stop talking to EVERY guy who replies with one of these. If you’re having a fun conversation and somebody throws you a “cool,” maybe that means it’s time to change the subject; maybe that other person wants to keep talking to you, but they don’t know what else to say. I once was talking to this guy, and he threw me a conversation ender. I assumed the conversation was over, so I didn’t text anything back. After an hour, he texted me and we kept talking for a while. By the way, I did know this guy IRL, and actually I was the one who texted first.
Basically, in order to get my attention with the first message you send, make it something that can get a conversation started, and that has me interested. I’ve already told you how I don’t remember MHD’s first text, but what I do remember is the fact that we talked throughout that day and then the days after. Of course, it was both of us who kept the conversation going, but I was interested in keeping that conversation because we’d built a nice foundation for it.
The last post of the “Get My Attention on OK Cupid” series is all about making the transition to other platforms. How long does it take you to give a potential online match your number or social media info? Let me know in the comments below!
Love, Miss Camila