Hello and happy Saturday. I’m still giving myself a few more days to reopen my OK Cupid account, and I’ve gathered great advice I want to share with you in a future post, but today I kinda want to do the opposite, and instead of reading or listening what I should and shouldn’t include in my profile to make it attractive, I’m going to tell you what really catches my eye, and also what makes me swipe left immediately. This is going to be a three-part series I’m calling “Get My Attention on OK Cupid,” which I hope you deeply enjoy. Let’s get started, shall we?
Profiles have two parts: pictures, and information. OK Cupid (and pretty much every online dating site I know) works in a way in which the first thing you know about a person is how they look. Basically, the profile pictures are my first and biggest filter. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve swiped left when I meant to swipe right and then had a potential match disappear. You see, I swipe super quickly, so if I don’t like your profile picture, I’m not even going to stop and consider your profile; I’ll just swipe left. If I see something I like, I’ll look at the other pictures, and if I’m still interested, then I’ll move on to reading the profile.
To get my attention on OK Cupid, you definitely need to have an interesting profile picture. By this I don’t mean you need to have a picture of you bungee jumping, I just mean that your first picture should make me want to look at the other ones, you know? I remember both J’s and MHD’s pictures, and they obviously caught my eye. J had this picture of him in a tux, hands in his pockets, looking at the horizon but in a very casual, “didn’t-know-someone-was-taking-a-picture” kinda way. MHD, on the other hand, had a picture of him sitting on the floor and looking at the camera. He wasn’t even smiling, but he looked kind and someone I’d want to talk to.
Now, do you need to have other pictures? Yes, you totally do. I remember when I was trying Seeking Arrangement, I came across this profile I liked. This guy had just one picture but I thought “f-it, he’s a hot, young sugar daddy,” and I messaged him. After talking for a couple of days, he gave me his number and told me to talk via Whatsapp. I added him, and then I saw that in his picture he didn’t look quite the way he had in his SA profile. It was the same guy, but in the Whatsapp picture he looked older, and way less attractive.
The fact that I want to see consistency in the way a guy looks throughout his pictures is one reason why I need more than one, but the other reason has to do with effort. Some guys will just post one picture that is two years old and expect to have women lining up after them. I like to know that my potential matches are trying to make a good first impression. OK Cupid lets you upload up to ten pictures, I think, and although I don’t think it’s necessary to fill all slots, I appreciate that a guy has at least four slots filled.
When I first saw J’s profile, he only had the picture I told you about. Still, I “liked” him, and he then messaged me. After that, he uploaded more pictures, and that’s when I realized he wasn’t as attractive as I’d originally thought. I kept talking to him because despite not being super into him physically, I liked our conversations. MHD had four pictures, and I liked the fact that he looked good in all of them, but he didn’t look exactly the same, you know? I didn’t know at the time that his pictures were two years old, but I let it slide then because 1. I was into him, and 2. he did send me updated pictures (and he looked way hotter).
Let’s suppose I see your pictures and I like what I see. I’m not going to swipe right just because of that. I mean, what if you smoke or you don’t like dogs? What if you’re a Trump supporter? I have stopped my swiping to look specifically at you, so now I’m going to take my time and read your profile.
When I’ve used OK Cupid, I’ve done so to “meet” guys who either live in a specific city or area (like I did at the beginning of the year), or just men who live anywhere in the world (like when I started talking to J). I never really look to meet guys near me, so I need to find matches with whom I can hold conversations via text, and not someone interested in meeting right away because that’s just not going to happen. If you’re not able to fill out a profile, then you probably won’t be able to hold conversations with a stranger via text messages.
I want a healthy balance in a profile, you know? I want to see that you put time and effort into what you wrote, but not that you’re desperate to find a girlfriend. I’m not going to read a long-ass profile unless it’s really caught my eye, and trust me, if I see that you wrote more than a five-sentence paragraph in the “about me” section, or whatever it’s called, I’m just going to pass on you because you’ll come off as conceited. If you have something about wanting to meet “the one,” and being tired of crazy girls who just play games, I’ll roll my eyes and then swipe left.
J was a total charmer and he had his way with words, so he did write a bit more in his profile than MHD did. J’s profile was actually funny at parts, which made me feel like, well, he wasn’t taking this whole thing all too seriously. MHD answered only some of the questions, which I don’t think is a problem (I almost never answer the one about the most private thing I’m willing to admit), and he did so in a short and sweet way. Honestly, he wrote two-sentence answers, that gave information about himself, but also left that open possibility of asking him more. That’s important guys: give us something to work with.
If your pictures and your profile have me interested, then the next step is introducing yourself. The next post in this series is going to be all about the first message. In the comments below, tell me about memorable texts you’ve been sent.
Love, Miss Camila