Weird Stuff I’ve Been Told on OK Cupid pt.2

Announcement.pngHello and happy Monday. Summertime Madness is over, and that means we’ll go back to the regular posting schedule. For that reason, I felt like giving you a final gift, which is a part 2 of my Weird Stuff I’ve Been Told on OK Cupid post because apparently, that was only the beginning. Let’s get started, shall we?

“Haiiii. Baby whtsz up”

Excuse me, sir, either you’re drunk, high, or are trying to speak a language I don’t understand. Seriously though, I’d like to know if the recipient of a message like this would indeed reply to it. I obviously didn’t, but I made sure to write it down to share it with you.

“Your body is 75% water, and I’m thirsty.”

Oddly enough, this is the kind of comment that could have interested me if sent by the right guy, you know? I mean, it’s one of those things that walk the fine line between being funny and plain creepy. I can’t remember correctly, but I think I replied to this guy, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t carry on with the conversation, which means to me that he just threw around that message and wasn’t really expecting that somebody would reply to it. This happens more often than you’d think.

“You look like trouble ;)”

Backhanded compliment much? Really, dude, what was the answer you expected from me? “Thanks”? or maybe “You have no idea ;)” or something of the sort? I can assure you that this guy looked at a couple of my pictures and decided, based on those pictures, to send me that message. Is it weird or creepy? Not really, but it’s one of those annoying messages I used to get all the time. I say they’re annoying because I don’t see a real conversation happening, even if after reading the guy’s profile I find him potentially interesting. Besides, let’s remember this is the first thing this guy told me. This literally was my first impression of him. Needless to say, it was also the last one.

“You chat?”

If what you mean to ask is whether I’m up for chatting with you, then the answer is no, thank you. OK Cupid is filled with people whose first language isn’t English, and I’m part of those people. I don’t always understand what I’m being told (which leads me to ask for clarification), or I use expressions in the wrong way and people don’t understand what I mean, so I know, or at least I think I know what this guy was trying to ask me. He was, indeed, asking me if I wanted to chat, and this might be a cultural thing, but where I come from we just start talking without asking the other person whether they want to or not. And imagine the situation had I replied: “-you chat? -Yes. -Okay…” and that would’ve been it.

“Black choker huh? 

Yes, I love chokers, and no, I wasn’t aware of the fact that, according to what this OK Cupid gentleman told me, black chokers are “the black belts of giving head.” He told me because I asked him what he’d meant by his comment, and he genuinely thought I was joking. Apparently, in Colombia black chokers are just a trendy accessory that mean nothing. His clarification, though, helped me understand why in the past I’d received so many messages from matches suggesting, well, that I’d showed them what I’d done to deserve my black belt.

“You look very sweet. Hey, are you OK with hanging out? I am latino. We can catch a movie and become friends.” 

I know this guy’s message is actually super sweet and not weird or creepy. Why am I sharing it with you, then? Well, because this is the kind of message I don’t feel comfortable replying to. Here’s this guy sending me what could easily be three or four texts in one, which is all over the place and is putting me in a weird position. Why am I in a weird position here? Because somebody I’ve never talked to is asking me if it’s okay to hang out and even telling me what we could do, and that ultimately we could become friends. I’ve talked about this kind of message before, and I think the person behind it is very shy and they’re just gathering all their courage to write to this one girl. Now, despite what this guy thought, I’m not sweet, and I don’t reply out of pity or empathy; if I’m not interested, I’ll just ignore the text, even if I appreciate the effort you made writing and sending it.

“0-10 what are the chances we gonna cuddle each other? :)” 

If my guy told me that today (and by “my guy” I mean the one I’ve been talking to for months now), I’d tell him chances are 0 and to stop being weird. I’ve told you already, I’m not sweet, and I’m not really into playful chats with a stranger. This is obviously a kind of message that stands out, especially if we take into account that 80% of the texts I used to get were “hi” and “what’s up.” I know there are people who would follow along, and I know that this text has the potential to start a conversation. Unfortunately, I prefer the more traditional messages when it comes to making a first impression. Then, if things go right, you can ask me that question in person.

“hey

i search good friend 

and you look amazing 

how are you?” 

If you’re the author of this poem, let me know so I can properly credit you. This message has all the factors for failure, did you notice? Let’s begin by the separation of each sub-message. It’s like in reality he wanted to send four separate texts. Maybe he wrote “hey” and then felt that wasn’t enough and kept adding. Maybe he didn’t want to send everything in just one line because that could’ve looked like a lot. The truth is, he could have just started by “hey, you look amazing. How are you?” In my opinion, the other big mistake he made was adding that “I search good friend” line. Yes, my ESL teacher heart tells me this person’s first language is not English, but I’m not talking about the grammar here. I’m talking about the fact that, again, like asking if I wanted to chat, this is something I’m not used to, and it seems sort of forced. It’s obvious that if we’re on OK Cupid, then we’re looking for something, but you should state that you’re looking for friendship in your profile, not in your first potential interaction with someone. After talking for a while, you can also have that “what are you looking for?” discussion.

“Hello, very Nice and You’re very attractive” 

Has it ever happened to you that you’re coming up with a text, and you try to remove something from the beginning or the middle of the sentence and end up accidentally sending the text? I think that’s what happened to this guy. Like, he was trying to organize his ideas and hit “sent” and this is what I got. First off, thank you sir for calling me attractive, but don’t get confused, I’m only nice to the people I like. Besides saying thank you, I don’t think there’s any other way for me to try to build a conversation, you know?

“Pretty” 

What? Is that it? Again, people texting first, you obviously saw something in the other person’s profile that you liked. You want to give this other person an interesting first impression, something that will make them want to continue talking to you. And yet, you choose to text them “pretty”? Seriously?

“Hello you have a nice profile that really interesting and I don’t mind getting to more about you. I like FaceTime though. It’s very true you have pretty eyes. However I am in Germany and my dream is to teach kids one day.” 

This makes me think of a saying we have in Spanish about not going to extremes in terms of doing too little or too much. The previous guy did too little, and this guy just overdid it. Again, this is my typical shy guy who probably thinks the best thing to do is just throwing a ton of information my way in the hopes that I can salvage something and turn it into a conversation. This guy probably just typed without really thinking or proofreading, which I can tell by his first sentence. Then it’s like he had the chance to stop and take a breath and he just added stuff related to my profile, like the fact that I wanted to FaceTime before meeting in person, and that I don’t really think my eyes are anything special, and obviously the teaching part. Again, I appreciate your effort, but I’m not interested.

I always have a lot of fun writing these posts and sharing my insights related to online dating with you. This is why I’d love for you to send me your questions on this subject, either in the comments below or through the Contact form, and I’ll be sure to include them in future content.

Happy Saturday!

Love, Miss Camila