Oh, you didn’t know I have a blog? That’s okay, I’m not going to reveal any names…it’s not like I can remember all of them, anyway. I’m writing this because for a while now I’ve felt the need to sit down and tell you why you and I could never work, why I’m never replying to your messages or look forward to meeting you IRL. Dear potential OK Cupid match, here’s a list of things you should take into account just in case I’m back in the online dating game and you want to play with me. Let’s get started, shall we?
1. USE YOUR REAL NAME
I’m not going to talk to guys who still insist on having a username on OK Cupid when we’re all supposed to be on a first-name basis with each other. And honestly, I’m not talking to guys whose “names” are acronyms. Sorry, CJ, but your name doesn’t do it for me.
2. READ MY PROFILE BEFORE TALKING TO ME
Seriously, dude. Put five minutes into finding out a little bit about me before sending me a message. That way you’ll know we’re most likely not in the same city, I’m not into one night stands, and, oh yes, I’m not who you’re looking for altogether. I’m very intuitive, so sometimes I can detect a fuckboy just by seeing his picture, but I still read the profile. There are guys who put zero effort into what they write, and there are guys who put way too much effort, and I like neither, but I can’t determine that just by the pictures. I know some of my pictures are sexy because I took them and selected them, but that doesn’t mean I’m a sex freak or anything. I mean, be smart about who you talk to. What if I’m an absolutely horrible person? Save yourself time and disappointment, and read my profile first.
3. DON’T TALK TO ME UNLESS YOU ARE INTERESTED IN A CONVERSATION
I’m very explicit about this in my profile, and I guess some people take it way too seriously and send me weird messages, but I’m not by any means responding to “hey”, “hi”, “what’s up” or any variation of them. Why? Simple. You really don’t want to talk to me; you’re probably bored, and you’re throwing your “hi” around to see if and when somebody responds. You want to be entertained, and honey, my purpose on OK Cupid is not to entertain you.
I’ve had two successful OK Cupid experiences, which means I’ve managed to hold conversations with two different people that actually went beyond the online dating app. I’ve told you about the first one, with J, and at some point I’ll tell you about the second one, just not right now. These two guys are completely different, but they have at least two things in common: 1) for some reason they were interested in me, and messaged me first, and 2) their first text was interesting enough for me to want to have a conversation with them.
I don’t know what guy number two wrote, I honestly don’t remember, but it must’ve been something good because I remember our conversation went on for days until I decided to try another platform. I remember what J wrote, though, and it makes total sense that I was interested in him after that. He sent me the following, more or less:
“I would really like to get to know you. It sucks that we live so far away from each other. I’m J by the way.”
Who can resist? I couldn’t.
4. RESPECT ME
Seriously, though, I think it’s great that you have your kinks and stuff, and I know that you most likely didn’t read my profile, but please don’t try to start a conversation with me by telling me about what you want me to do to you or vice versa. Respect me and the fact that I’m not your virtual sex toy.
I’m sure there’s a lot more I want to say regarding this subject, but honestly, I disabled my account about three weeks ago and haven’t felt like reenabling it, so I haven’t been in contact with potential matches in a while (thankfully). If you have any other piece of advice, please share it in the comments below.
Love, Miss Camila