Hello and happy Tuesday. It’s no secret that one of the ways in which I spend my free time is online dating. Yes, I’ve been on and off several sites, but I always go back to OkCupid. I like it because it’s been around for a while, so it’s got a nice pool of profiles, and it’s the perfect balance between fun and serious. It’s not a hookup app like Tinder, but it’s not match.com or e-harmony.
A few months ago, I decided I’d treat myself to a premium Ok Cupid account, which is supposed to show me better matches for me as well as the profiles of people who’ve “liked” me. I haven’t found prince charming yet, so I’m not completely sure that my $10 a month are being well-invested. Anyways, paid service or not, I’ve gotten a ton of messages, some of which are so weird, I just had to write them down and share with you. Let’s get started, shall we?
“You look good with a choker”
Okay, context: I have a picture in which I am indeed wearing a choker. First of all, thanks, I know I look good with chokers, which is why I wear them. Second and most important, don’t go all Christian Grey on me. I mean, I get that some people are into BDSM but you don’t need to throw hints that that’s your deal, especially at people you don’t know and are trying to start a conversation with.
“We are open cam in Whatsapp”
That wasn’t just weird, it was creepy. This person’s first language is obviously not English, and I assume what they meant was that we could videochat via Whatsapp. I also interpreted the message as “I can see you through the camera in your phone,” and you know, I’m not into that Black-Mirror kinda thing.
“How old were you when you gave your first kiss?”
I get why this person tried to come up with a witty question to ask me and start a conversation. In my profile I actually specify that I won’t reply to “hi” or “what’s up,” and that I want people to talk to me if they genuinely believe we can have a conversation. I appreciate the effort in thinking about a question and all, but we don’t know each other, don’t ask me about my first kiss.
“You’re lucky to have that beautiful face”
Again, I’m sure in this person’s native language this must sound like the sweetest thing ever. In English, though, it’s the sort of thing a person in a horror film would say right before proceeding to remove the pretty main character’s face. Not smooth at all, dear Ok Cupid user.
“Hey how did you learn such good English?”
First and foremost, there should be a comma between the “hey” and the “how.” Secondly, English is not my first language, but I’ve been learning it for twenty years. I’m an English teacher, of course I’m good at it. This sort of comment just annoys me. Like, honestly, I’m good at languages in general, it’s not such a huge accomplishment for me, and you shouldn’t appear so surprised that somebody who’s first language is not English is actually better at it than you are.
“Hey sugar cube, how are you?”
I honestly don’t know if this person decided to call me this just to annoy me because, again, I specifically mentioned I hated to be called honey, sweetie, or anything in that category. I don’t know, there’s just something about the people who give pet names to total strangers that I can’t stand.
“Hmm I’m not usually into thicker girls but there’s something about you”
I am aware of the fact that I’m “thicker.” We’ve talked about this before: I’m not skinny, I don’t want to be skinny, and I know I will never be skinny. But the way this guy talked about me being “thick” was like a back-handed compliment, you know? Like, he could have just told me there was something in me that he liked, ignoring the fact that he’s not usually into girls my type. I feel that comments like that are offensive and discourage me to have a conversation.
“I like you”
That’s all this person wrote, and let me clarify, this was the first message they wrote, so it’s not like we were in the middle of a conversation, and after a witty comment on my part they texted “I like you.” No, they expected me to work with that, to start a conversation. Honestly, I don’t know what some people think when they’re messaging someone they like on Ok Cupid or other online dating platforms because in my opinion your first message is what will determine your success or failure at starting a conversation with a stranger. And don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the sentiment, but I can’t work with “I like you.”
This post is getting a tad too long, so let me end this here and I’ll continue in tomorrow’s post. What has been the weirdest text you’ve received, in an online dating app or elsewhere? Let me know in the comments!
Love, Miss Camila