It’s now been over a month since the last class I gave you, and I’m finally sitting down to write you this goodbye letter, although I’m almost 100% sure you’re not going to read it. I’m writing this for myself, too, so that one day I can come back to it and understand why I decided to leave in what seemed like a very abrupt way.
I’m not going to justify myself, let alone to you, my boys, but I feel the need to tell you that my decision of leaving was nothing abrupt. Most of you had me as your teacher last year, and though we had a blast, that first year wasn’t easy for me and I felt like quitting too many times to even tell. I even looked for other jobs, and interviewed at other schools.
By then I only had one thing clear in my mind: come 2018, I was going to leave. That had always been my life plan, and I was going to pull through with it. In the end, I did stay for this school year, and things were so much better. I was having so much fun, I didn’t realize the clock was still ticking, and that meant 2018 was about to start.
At first, I thought I was going to be able to finish the school year in Colombia,. I thought I could have the best of both worlds, even if it was for a short time. So, in my mind, I was going to finish the school year with you, announce that I wasn’t going to continue the next school year, and then travel to the States and start the next year as if nothing had happened.
That would’ve been great, and it would also have been what many people expected. I started looking for programs in the States when the 2017 school year began. I was balancing my work, which was my present, with a future that was becoming more clear as the days went by. I signed up for three different programs in the DC Metro area. At the end I was left with one option of getting certified as a teacher in Baltimore city. I’d never set foot in Baltimore, but I went through with the process.
Yes, boys, this all happened as I went to school and gave classes. Only other teacher knew for sure about my plans, but it wasn’t hard to keep quiet when things were still kind of uncertain. December was the month when things started to become more real. I first got an email saying I was a finalist for the Baltimore program, and in order to continue, I had to follow some steps. Then, after following said steps, I got another email that confirmed that was actually an official member of the 2018 cohort.
Boys, when I got the news I was on vacation with my family. I’d even had to ask for two days at school, which was something I hated doing. I read very carefully the welcome letter, which said that I not only was expected to be in Baltimore for the summer training program, but also I had to attend an event in March, and another one in May.
I’d thought about continuing working until June, when I’d have to move to the States, but the information I’d gotten regarding the other trips made me question the decision I’d previously made. I thought about quitting my job in January, so that you could have the chance to be with the new teacher from the beginning of the semester. I didn’t do it, boys, because I allowed myself to be selfish. On one hand, I knew I had no business staying at home for so long, when I could work for all of January and February. I also knew that those two months of work meant money I really needed to start saving because I wouldn’t be able to start working for a while.
We have seen each other twice since I quit, and I know that you probably think I’ll go back, that I’m going to be your teacher again, that things are going to be the way they were. I’m sorry that you thought that, but I’m not going back to school anymore. I’ve been okay during this month, and oddly enough, I don’t really miss what I left. I’m not saying I don’t miss you, but what I mean is that I’m ready to meet other kids that, like you, I will be able to call mine.
Happy Saturday, my boys!
Love, Miss Camila